WINNERS & LOSERS

Turn the pages of my life, which one will I be today? Well today, I guess I am a bit of both. I had an interview a job that I really want. It went very well, and I think I may get it.

At exactly 2:22 I received word that she doesn't think it's going to work out with us. She's not feeling it. I told her if she didn't want it, then neither did I. I then told her that I hoped she would find happiness and what she was looking for. I then said it was nice to meet her.

I thought for a minute that maybe I should have fought for her. Then I realized that it's only been a week and there's not much there to fight for. Perhaps it was a test. Maybe she was looking to see what I would say. I doubt it though.

So here I sit, alone again. It's a lonely life that I am living. Yes, I have a lot of friends, a few very close ones and we do love each other. However, friends don't keep you warm when it's this cold outside. There's no one there to embrace you on these cold and lonely nights.

It's 3:11. I always seem to look at the time everyday when it's 3:11. I remember when I left Aspen, and the old life of Mr. and Mrs. Cook, that the time was 3:11. Maybe I will remember that time or keep looking at that time until I forget how this feels.

I mean, I  am not so hurt, after all it's only been one week. I thought I saw it though. I did see something in her. I guess I have always thought that some little Texas philly might be able to save me. I thought it could have been her. However, the only way I want this love to be is to be reciprocated. If she doesn't want me, if she doesn't feel me, then so be it.

That doesn't stop me from feeling however, and it is I that I have to live with. What I want to take from this today, is that it will be ok. I will find her. Surely it's somewhere, right? The love that they speak of. The love that brings me home. The one that makes me live. What made me think that this was so different? She did tell me that she was a man-eater. I guess I didn't believe her. Maybe she's just scared.

Whatever, she's not her, and I am still here. Or maybe I'm still gone. I can't tell. I hope this new job works out. I do need a few changes in my life. I guess I'll just have to make those changes myself. It's a better way to be anyhow. So if you see me today, just know that I have won and lost. That's what I am today, a winner and a loser.

AM I DREAMING OR IS THIS THE DREAM?

It's been one week in a about two hours. I can see lights outside that remind me of that space cadet glow that I so long for. They have nothing to do with her, except I looked at them just last night when she was here.

I realize that I am ridiculous. I am silly heart and can get so swept away that I act the fool. I was reminded of this today by a true and trusted friend. I thought on it. I then recalled all the things I have learned to this point in my life. It's something I guess that I have fucked up in the past. I do tend to forget these things when the stars are in my eyes. I can expect nothing from her. I cannot wish anything into being. It was easier today once I remembered these things. I was starting to lose it. I hope she didn't catch on.

She's so relaxed and quite the badass that I was scared at first. I see now that I am also a badass, and if she can't see that, then that's her loss. I am worth it. I cannot force it. 

If it's meant to be, it will happen. There is no reason to get all worked up about it. It's futile. All these like sick blues for just the promise of what could be. I am not in love. I just see some signs that point in the direction I want. 

I think what started this tizzy was when I awoke this morning to find her sun kissed skin laying next to me. I have had visions about that skin. It's that skin I might have also called cinnamon in the past. I don't know if I have ever seen it lying to next to me. 

So I go half crazy now and then. I guess I always will. The thing I want to take from today, is that I know who I am. I know what I know, and I know what I want. If I am what she wants, then fucking fantastic. If I am not, oh well, I guess I'll just have to keep kissing all these frogs. Someday my princess will come. She may be here soon, she might be here tomorrow. She might be at concert in Houston. However I won't know until I know, so when I do, don't worry. You'll be the first.

LET'S HAVE COFFEE.

Yes, no drinks this time, just good old coffee from my favorite local brewer. The place was packed. I had arrived a few minutes early because, well I'm kinda old school that way. I hadn't been to the moon at night before, and the place was hoppin. Laptops aglow everywhere. Books out, open and words being highlighted, with papers strewn about the tables. I manage to secure two spots in the corner before the little darlin' arrived. I sat waiting patiently as I could for I had grown quite anxious about this meeting. It had struck me just earlier that day that some of those recollections I kept recalling had me reeling just a bit. They were a bit familiar. Like I knew this was going, somewhere. Where, fuck, who knows.



And, here she is…



Dang. She is as cute as I recalled. So freaking cute. Well it started off as most coffee shop conversations do. A little of this, talk about that. I'm pretty sure the woman on her laptop sitting next to us had to be eavesdropping. I would have been if I was her. All the body language was there, grins were appearing, and those feelings of resisting were disappearing. She even admitted that she did not want me to be as cute as she had remembered. Dang. I was. "…well let me go ahead and text her and tell her I don't need the out after all…"



After some more of us getting used to each other I suggest a move to an alternate location. My place seemed like the logical choice for it was extremely close to the coffee shop. We decide to walk although a cold wind had begun to blow. Upon arriving at my place, the conversation was becoming almost effortless. As I unfolded the strange brand of creepy that I do possess, she didn't seem to bat an eye. Oh those eyes… Blinding azul sapphires gleaming against her perfectly porcelain skin with those devilishly dark tendrils dancing around those lights and framing them ever so beautifully.



More and more talking. We discover that neither of us had eaten dinner before we met. We both had been busy, however I suspect that we might of both had a few butterflies in our tummies. We decide on dinner but it's after 11 at this point and not much is open here in the ATX after 10, which I find strangely peculiar for the amount of nightlife in this town. Anywho, I suggest Magnolia and she's never been.

We arrive and settle in to our booth. Talk. Eat. Laugh. Smile. Then she asks if we can go back to my place and watch a movie. Or course we can. So, we go.



I had seen the movie before, so I was able to steal some kisses from the couch. Soft, slow and sparkly…



After the movie we just kept on talking, kissing and laughing. Oh boy, it's 4am and it's not really kosher to stay the night on the first date. I mention that it could technically be considered the second date, but I digress. She stands up to leave, I say I'll walk her to the car, then lay the best kiss of the evening on her. "Was that a ploy to make me stay? she says. "Cause it almost worked."



I don't know, but there is something about this one…

SO YOU'RE A MAN EATER? PERFECT!

The one I had totally turned off just the night before came walking into the party with a saucy smile, and her dark and lovely locks falling across her face just enough to cover up just one of those sparkling baby blues. A smile, a wink and a nod.

Yes, it's me. Yes, I was totally under the spell of golden hops and that damn rye that always gives me those old red eyes.  Yes, I am a total douche bag. Anywho, it's nice to see you…

You know sometimes I act the fool. Well possibly a little more than sometimes, but for this story, I'll just say sometimes. I am truly sorry for partying this time. For she was really cute, a lot of fun, and has that lovely southern drawl.

I think I may have recovered. It's stretch, but I think I may just have been able to pull it off. Only time will tell, and only she will let me know. So all I have to say is this.

If you are what you say you are, then go on and use me up.

Hey there!

Hey you, yeah it's me. :) Nice to see you! How have you been? It's been awhile. What's new with you? You know I have been thinking about you a lot. I miss you girl. Have you been reading this? Your ears were probably burning. Cause look, it's ALL about you. Well, there's some nonsense about her. But baby, you know, she don't love me like you. You know this is all, well mostly, for you. You have been on my mind for quite some time. Can you feel it? Do you feel it? You must know how I am feeling. Babe, you've got me reeling. Keep believing, it's all happening, now. <3

WHO KNOWS ANYTHING FOR SURE? NO ONE THAT'S WHO>

Admittedly, I am a dreamer. I might be looking so hard that I have convoluted the very essence of my emotions. The promise is there. The hope is right around the corner. This titillates and scares the ever loving shit out of me. I mean, maybe she will be so fun, cool, and smart that I can't help it. However, she might be too young, too dumb, and just another someone.

Whatever.

The only thing I know that I can do is to try. Show up, speak my mind, and listen to her. So try I shall. I think she's cute, she seems rather chill, which is good. Of course no one will believe me when I say this to them for I have said it all before. Yes I know, but what else I am to do? I may not know who she is, but then again, neither do you…

So for you, my friends, I will not put too much faith in it. I won't write ridiculous and fanciful things about her. I won't call and tell you that we're in love. In fact, I won't say a word about it. It's just drinks. That's all. Where it goes, nobody knows. The only rule is this. Wherever it goes, this is where it begins.

THE FALSE SYNAPSE REARS IT'S UGLY HEAD, ONCE AGAIN.

Chocolate. Chocolate is that thing that gives you the feeling that it just might work this time. I mean, she came after you. She said all the right things. She's a looker. So this white chocolate hooker, I mean, well whatever. She swooped in, played with my emotions, then went fucking bananas. She was probably already bananas, I was just too blinded by the light to recognize it. 

I want this shit to stop. I don't want to be blinded. I want my eyes to be wide open. I don't want to keep hoping. I want to keep living. I am no longer looking. It's futile, exhausting, and rather lame. 

TOO HOT
It was, it is. That's the only thing that keeps me wondering why. Why, do you ask? I just wonder from time to time.

I'M NOT HERE.

I have left this far behind. I'm off on the adventure of a lifetime. I cannot tell you to where, but let's just say, I'm lost. Wherever I am, undoubtedly, I am lost. I cannot find my way. The path is not illuminated and the stars are not coming out from their hiding places in the galaxy.  The way is dark, and there are sharp things all around. I can feel them. I see hear their menacing glares with every breath. I want to quit. I want to give in their quick wits and razor sharp tendrils. There is no way that I will ever find her. She's lost. If I'm lost and she's lost, it would seem that luck might play a part and bring us together. The two unlucky souls that find each other lost in their darkness. They will find something beautiful and new in this wicked little game. 

Debatable.

I think it must be more like just endlessly searching for that one thing that would make all things better. I guess everyone is searching for that one thing. Whatever it is. For me it's her. For you who knows, but for me, it's her. 

Stop looking.

How do I do that exactly. What does that mean? How can I not search their eyes for traces of what I am dreaming of? I have tried, believe me. It's just not one of those things that comes very easy to me. I am a little glimmer of hope sitting in the corner of your local bar. On your smartphone? Turn around I'm sitting right behind you. You don't.  You won't. See, you just got up and left…

SHIT IS FUNNY

I MEAN, why, why does this always seem to happen? It's not here. Then it's here everywhere. And suddenly you're in love with everything. Well I am not, but I cannot disregard the stars. They sometimes seem to hold that familiar glow. That sparkle that just makes me be that guy I know that I am. So she's 21, or maybe she's that lost soul I met at the soiree this evening. What is the movie cliche I should follow here? You don't know, and neither do I. But one thing is for sure. I know what I want. I want her to break all the rules. So, I see you, I'll I wanna do is see you.
However, that's where I usually kill this.

Colour my life with the chaos of trouble, cause anything's better than posh isolation. 

I'm just sayin, it could be worse. It can always be better. But maybe that's what this is all about. Who knows anyhow? I haven't seen that spark in the dark in a bit, but tonight it was there. I'm thinking about what Sara said.

What do you make of the cool set in London?

THE GROUP OF GHOSTS-GRUPO FANTASMA

There is no way you can see this band live  and not feel it in your bones, that rattle in your soul, and that overwhelmed feel of joy that only live music can bring.  Almost from the first notes that come bouncing from the stage your toes start tapping. It moves up til your knees start twitching and your hips are swaying to the beats of this 11 piece latin funk orchestra from Austin, TX. Fresh off their summer tour which began with their first grammy win for best latin rock or alternative album, for 2010's "El Existential" the boys have never sounded better.

You may think you have heard latin dance music before, but if you haven't heard or better yet, seen Grupo Fantasma live, then you are missing some of the best dance music in the world!  These boys will get your heart pounding, and your whole body surging to the infectious grooves of the ghosts.

This is not your abuela's latin dance party.

The band blends styles from funk, reggae, rock, and of course a hot, spicy, nasty salsa style that will surely set your senses on fire. Even for a non spanish speaker like me, it's a fantastic show. For what you can't understand from not knowing the words,  the music makes you all but forget that you don't know espanol fluently. If you're still hesitant, just wait. After a little water break at the show, it was hot and I was sweaty I returned to my dance team while the band was on a short break. When they begin to play,  something is strangely familiar. I know this song, I mean it sounds a little different, but I know it. What is it?  Oh it's plaguing me, then here comes the chorus, "Burning Down the House!" I knew it! Well sort of anyhow. I hadn't recognized it to this point for they were singing all the lyrics in spanish, except when they got to the chorus which they triumphantly shouted in english.

If you like what you hear and would like a little more funk in your disco, then be sure to check out Brownout, Grupo's psychedelic hydra that features eight members from the band.

Formed in 2000 from the merger of two Austin acts, The Blue Noise Band and The Blimp, the band emerged with a sold out show at the former Empanada Parlour in Austin. The band is best known for their exuberant live shows and their recent association with Prince and his 3121 Club in Las Vegas. The band has backed Prince on numerous occasions, including his performance on the ALMA Awards in 2007, and often perform at his afterparty jam sessions. The ensemble has sold more than 20,000 albums independently.

Grupo Fantasma has twice played the Austin City Limits Music Festival and taped an episode of the popular Austin City Limits TV Show on PBS, which first aired November 17, 2007. They have also performed at such festivals as the Montreal Jazz Festival and the Calgary Folk Music Festival and have headlined numerous SXSW showcases in their career. The also played at the inaugural South Padre International Music Festival in 2007. The band performs relentlessly, regularly doing over 150 performances a year. Their horn section has also made various appearances on worldwide releases and has recently been performing with indie rock band Spoon. Grupo Fantasma's music was featured prominently in the NYC Cable Public-access television cable TV show, The Unbelievable Show from 2001–2004. The group's album Sonidos Gold was nominated for Best Latin Rock or Alternative Album for the51st Grammy Awards. 

WE'RE SO NOT EACH OTHERS TYPES.

Admittedly, we're not. We have never dated someone like each other before. While we do have a a number of things in common, we're very different people. That's why I think it's working. I mean it's fucking fantastic. I'm falling in love, or I am already there, or I don't know, I just love to be with her. Just to be around my great friend Kate, it's the best thing in the world. There's sunshine on our faces, and stars in our eyes. Our hearts are growing larger by the day, and there's no end in sight. We play so well together. We make everyone sick with our constant giggles and grins.  Actually it's more like we have a supernova of love that no one can deny, It's the best feeling in the world. I haven't had as many smiles in the past six weeks as I have had in the last 6 months. I just can't get enough. I just can't get enough…

WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW?

There's no way to say, so who cares. I love her today! Yes Jim, I love her madly. I love her way. She's quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen. And so in love we are. It's gross, but I fucking luff it. I love the shit out of it.

This is what's up. She's what's up.

She is changing the very definition of she for me.

She's a dream.

Not one that I have had before. I like it. It makes me feel really good. Could you be the one that they talk about? Mmmmmmmm…

Oh, the motorcycle queen. She's the spiciest scooter in town. Her salsa had my lips feeling the same scorching that was flaming in my heart.

Her kisses have got me going crazy. I almost can't take it. They are too good. She's so soft. She's so warm. I want more. I want them now. I want to lay you down and stroke your hair. Kiss you on your head, then explode a million little kisses all over your face.

Sweet Jane. You're the one for me. Would a rose not be a rose by any other name?

Heavenly wine and roses seem to whisper to her when she smiles.


I love that she's just so cool. She has a very relaxed and breezy way to her. She's funny. She make me laugh. And laugh we do. These ginormous  gregarious grins we wear are not lost on anyone we meet. We're such dorks. It's great. She's great.

Hey Kate, I think you're great.

So will you still love me tomorrow? 

IT'S YOU.

Lady K.

Ms. DuMontiere in fact.

I love your work. You amaze this old fool. I can't stop smiling because of you. You're the one I've fallen for. Surely, this can't be a dream. It must be the truth. Come with me to the sea. The sea, the sea of love. I'll always be by your side. Even when you're down and out. I just want to be close to you. I want to be the best boy you'd ever meet.

Hopeless romantics like me know one thing.

If lilac wine is for reals then this can't be denied. This is the stuff of dreams, moonbeams, and monsters. I want to take you to the moon, just so I can kiss you upside down.  Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love. I feel I'm steady. It's like my love.

This whole thing has gone crazy. I have gone crazy for this one. This girl, without the curls. This beautiful blonde baby. The southern star, in full regalia. She danced on in her ballet slippers, twirled a bit, and stole my heart.

Thank you. Just a simple meeting of the minds. We'll fight fire with fire.

Listen to me. I cannot see clearly. I don't care. If this haze is what loving you is like, then I won't no part of not knowing it, forever. Why is everything so hazy, am I go crazy?

Yes. So crazy.

Lilac wine, I feel I'm ready.

OH HOW THE NOTES BEND AND REACH ABOVE THE TREES

What a beautiful face I have found in this place that is circling all around the sun. When we meet on a cloud I'll be laughing out loud. I'll be laughing with everyone we see.  Oh your face. It is such a light that it's like a distant lighthouse signaling this ship to come on home.  Your embrace is the thing that reminds me of home. Your gentleness.  The smell of your hair. The way you kiss.

The way you kiss me is the way I know how connected we are. Your supple suckers have got me reeling each time the spark is sprung from our lively lips. I love to kiss you. I need to kiss you. I want to kiss you. Now. Right now. Always.

You're so dreamy I can't help but giggle when I am around you. You're so much like me, yet so different. You sure do light up a room. In fact, set it on fire.

That sleep inside the daydream I spoke about, I am falling farther and farther into. It's like floating on a breeze. Falling through the efferfluff. It's soft, and warm. It's where I want to live. It's where I want to die.

I'm thinking a lot about you. I mean I think of you often and I also think you're worth so much. I care about you. I want to take care of you. I want to compliment the shit out of you. I want to be your biggest fan.

Ballerina, I can you see you dancing. Your grace and sinuous movements are spellbinding.

There are lights in the clouds and there's ghosts all around.

This is the only way I want to live. I want to get lost in you. Perhaps I'll be waiting for myself there.

You inspire and delight me. I really enjoy that. I really enjoy you. I can't wait to see you. :)

WILL YOU COME AGAIN? IT'S HARD TO SAY

Third meeting. Much of the same serendipity. She came in looking hot to trot. Such a summer breeze. What a sunshine daydream. She's so pretty, and such a doll. I love to lay my gaze upon her. Tonight was a little more personal. We did get a little deep. Whatsoever, the music was good. The kisses were those of the dreamy magical love that neither of us believes in. The eternal optimist Vs. the eternal pessimist. Surely, all of this is so profound. It's nice to talk about.

Talk of yesterday and she will describe some thing that she does not believe in, even though it's sitting right in front of her, I mean, I am that thing that you think doesn't exist. I have all of that stupid, silly, splendiferous, wanderlust inside me. I can be the boy that you don't believe in. Let's just dance dance to joy division. We'll celebrate the irony. Everything is going wrong, but we're so happy. Let the love tear us apart, I found a cure for a broken heart. Let it tear us apart.

Don't push me out. Just a little longer. I am here to stay. I will be here in the weirdness, I'll be here in the shame. I'll teach you how to use, the love that people say I've made. Let's break this tired old routine. I am ready to take you on for a ride.

You could be the best thing that's ever happened to me. You could be that sparkly gumdrop I am so sure that exists. Come with me my love, to the sea. The sea of love.

You said you would give me the opportunity to be the boy with the heart of gold. So let me. You may believe it or not, but it's the truth that remains to be seen.

The passions were running hot tonight. That being said, it was a magical evening. In the grass. In the park. Under the full moon. Are you kidding? It was the moment. I had to go with it. I am glad I did. I had never seen such a slinky bodice draped in moonlight, until tonight. I'm pretty sure, I saw you first. It was in a dream. It was in a dream.

I know there's a light inside…

It's the chemistry. It's the way I see everything I need. Could this be our little secret? No one needs to know we're climbing higher, and higher.

It's ours for the taking. Will you return to me? I do not know, all I can do is hope. So here's to hope and all that mess. Let me be your everlasting light. Love is the coal that makes this train roll. Let me be, your everlasting light…

You don't have a clue, what it is like, to be next to you.

COULD IT BE?

Holy schnikes batman! I saw it. I fucking saw it! I looked into those dazzling green peepers and they looked right back at, and through me. Holy shit. Is this happening? I mean for reals! At first, I saw the girl. I was delighted by her rosy cheeks, her gregarious grin, and her cute little feets. I just had to ask her name. Ask her if she wanted to meet me after work. She did!

The first meeting was fun, smiley, and had some good conversation. I had to see her again.

The second meeting was effortless. Easy and fun. Simply delicious.  The conversation was swirling all around us. My giggles did not fall on deaf ears. Our laughter had to be somewhat annoying, even to the other lovers seated around us. It was time. I had to know what those lips tasted like. I had been staring at them for the entire night, and dreaming about our first lip lock.

We take a walk. We hold hands. We look up at the stars. We feel the grass under our toes. I pull her in close. She looks up. I go for it.  Those lips, so soft, supple. Golly gee wilickers, she tastes like heaven! Oh that first kiss was the stuff of movies, moonbeams, and dreams. I had to steal another one. And another.

Not wanting to scare the dear, I decide to keep the walk going. When we arrive back at our house of wine, I get two glasses of some effervescent bubbly.  As the bubbles are a popping, our grins are a growing. I can't stop smiling. Neither can she. Is that music I hear in the air? Is that just in my head? Who cares, it's beautiful, so is this, and so is she.

We decide to go meet my friends down the street. My friends being in true form, are lively and fun. She jumps right in. Doesn't bat an eye. Lovely.

They're leaving. On to the next spot. This is where my heart started to sink, just a bit. We laughed, and laughed. We kissed and kissed. Oh my lord. This little gizmo has gotten to me. She's touched me, in all the right places.  It feels so good. She feels so good.

I cannot wait to see her again. I am smitten, and so is she. I don't think either of us will break these grins plastered on our mugs for quite sometime. The scent of her skin is intoxicating. Her blonde locks are so fine. Her dimples kill me. Oh I could look at this beauty all day long. However, it's time for her to go. We make another date. It's more than a day away. Oh man, this is going to be tough. It's ok though, I am pretty sure that the sunshine emanating out of my ass will keep me afloat until I see her again.

I can't stop smiling. She can't stop smiling. Can't stop. Won't stop.

IN MY LIFE


I have been dreaming of and looking for love. I can't remember a time that I wasn't. All of the movies, oh those movies, have made my heart seem to think that the ridiculously sublime wonderfulness is out there for the taking. I know what you'll say, it's the movies. Yes, I know. I see the love though. I see it everywhere. I see those magic movie moments actually come to life. Just not for me. 


Let's talk about music. I have always been a huge fan of music. It has always been the soundtrack to my life. When I was young I fell asleep to the radio every night. Perhaps it was those sonic infused dreams that caused this wanderlust in me. All of these words, all of the choruses, have played into the very being of me. I always have a song in my head. I'm usually singing it too. I get lost in the sounds. I hear in my mind all of this music, and it breaks my heart. I keep singing these love songs, just to break my fall. Wasn't every chorus written for us? 


Does this thing really exist? Is there a supernatural, spellbinding, cosmic, brilliant, blossoming, beautifully bodacious love? I hope so. I really hope so. There's one thing I know about myself. I know what I am good at. I know where my strengths and weaknesses are. I know that at the end of my life, my greatest accomplishment will be that love that I speak of. I have so much inside me, that it hurts. It wants out, so badly. 


I want to spread this love that I have made, all over you. Sprinkle it with sweetness. I want to live my life, to build you up. I want to live for you. I want to be a better man for you. I want you to be the better woman behind this good man. Everything I do, I'll do it for you. I am writing now, for you. I am trying to take this thing inside me and share it with the world. I have the love, I feel the love. I need to see in your eyes the reciprocation of what's inside. You needn't say a word. Just one look. That's all it takes.


I have tried. I have failed. I have fallen. I have gotten back up. I will always get back up until I fall so hard that I can't remember feeling the way I do right now. 


I have always been more in touch with my feelings than I probably should be. I feel it all. At times, I have done my best to squash these feelings. I have numbed myself for years. I tried to cut them out. I tried to kill it with all my being. However inside me there is a spring, a deep well of everlasting love. I cannot deny it. It is my strength. It's where my hope, my peace, my smile originates. 


I was made to love her. You've been my inspiration, I want to show you my appreciation. And appreciation is what I got. I want to thank you. I want shower you with a million little kisses. I want to tickle your toes. I want to buy flowers for you. For no particular reason whatsoever. Just to see you smile. Just to feel your warm embrace. I want to watch you walk through sun drenched field in the summertime. Bring your flowered hat. I want to feed you things. Peaches and berries and pies. I want to get drunk on your love. I want to tell you funny things. I want to keep you in my pocket. I want to make you the happiest girl in the whole wide world. They'll speak of our love. They'll say it isn't true. To which we shall reply with a wink and a nod. We know.  

  VS.


You vs. Me. Me vs. You. Us vs. Them


It's quite possible that I am not fighting enough. It could also be said that I am not fighting smart. There is a fight. Everyday, a little hill to get up. A challenge if you will. Am I up for the challenge? Have I acknowledged it before now? Well now I do. 


Let's fight. 


I am ready. I am ready to take on anything you've got. Whatever secrets you hold. Whatever. I will fight for it. I will fight for you.  


I've got my coins. The start button is glowing radiantly vermillion…


It was You vs. Me. I lost, poorly. It's now Me vs. You. I am losing still. I think I may have been fighting, but not in the proper way. I see my folly. I know you do too. You must see some light, because, well I think you're still speaking to me. 


You should be. I am not at all what I seem. You may have sen some of what I am, but I doubt it.


You will. You must. 


I will not give up after losing one round, even two. You must give me the showdown. It shall come to fruition.


Game on. 

WALK WITH ME SUSIE LEE


You did see me standing alone, without a dream in my heart, without a flower of my own. You walked on over and gave me those glances, those nuances. I couldn't help but notice. I was flattered. I still am.



I come on a little strong, really I'm passionate. I understand that many people I meet aren't used to it. Please don't be frightened. Or do be, just a enough.



It's my goal now to not call you, for I have realized that it's been one week. I know I have been rather persistent. I don't mean to scare you. It's just that you're the best thing I have seen in a long time. I don't really know you, but from the time we have spent together, I can tell that my instincts to call you the morning after I met you were correct. Thanks for playing.



When I see something I want. I am a touch smitten. That being said, I am smitten with you. I want that stupid, crazy love, but sometimes I get a little anxious for it.


Here's where I chill.


I daydream quite a bit. Where do you suppose she goes? What's makes here wiggle her toes? I think I just can see a good thing when it comes a long. I don't see a crime in that. Although, I do see a pitfall.



I digress. Everywhere are pitfalls. You have to play all your cards right, and all the stars have to align. It seems to me that it's harder and harder to meet someone these days. All of the people, people at shows, bars, sidewalks, fb, the grocery store and pools. You meet so many people, or at least I do, that it feels like no one gets to know each other anymore. What's your pedigree? Oh, ok. Ciao.



Weren't the stars a slighlty aligned last Thursday? I had just begun riding a bike as my main transportation. That night after work I decided to go support a friend by going to his show. My associate and myself rode to the club where we ran into a friend of ours. After said show, other friends were at another bar. We decide to go. We get sidetracked.



Finally we arrive at the spot of destiny if you will. The strange thing about this is I haven't been frequenting these places too much as of late. Definitely not on my bike. So it's a little peculiar to be there on that night in particular. We go in, have some drinks, hang out outside. Meet some new friends, and decide to go to another locale across the street. Service sucks. This guy won't even acknowledge me. Fuck it, let's go. Back to the fu. As I walk in the door, I see you. It's last call and I am thirsty. I head to the bar, and try to get a drink. As I am waiting, you walk up behind me. I turn around. Damn.



Beautiful. Then those eyes start talking. My favorite was when you would look directly at me, then dart them to side. Only to return with a sneaking glance and a cracked smile. Here's where I buy you a beer. Next thing I know, I am enthralled with talking to you. Oh you surf? Californian? Your mouth is so cute. Smart. Those eyes... beguiling. Saucy. Oh yes, can I Please have your number? Thank you my dear. The pleasure was all mine. You walked out with a grin, and I turned around smiling.



I didn't realize it until I got to bed, but you were still on my mind. I thought that was fun, and fell asleep. The next morning, there you were. I woke up with you. I had to talk to you again. I called three hours later. The rest you're pretty familiar with. For I think you have been there. Albeit, a little more sober than I. Therein makes me want to talk to you again, totally sober, soon. However, I am sure that if I was totally sober, and had spent the time with you, I'd feel the same, or possibly more hoodwinked by your presence. I think YOU may have it enjoyed it more if I was with my wits. I would really like to see you again. I want to make you laugh. I want to see you smile.