THE BLUES JUST SOUND SO GOOD.

It's over. It always is. The one I just said I loved has left and gone away. It's for the best though, I could tell she was pulling away anyhow. Perhaps that's why I confessed it. I tried to make her stay. Fail. Which is fine, for it shouldn't be that hard. When you feel it, and she does too, it's the easiest thing in the world.

I was getting a bit lost anyhow. I had forgotten what I want and need to make me sane. I need to get my life in order. I have been so close, yet so far away. I need a change. This pattern has repeated too many times. I don't like it. It doesn't make me happy at all. It causes great stress, and that is the one thing I told myself I would not live with. I have seen that ugly word destroy my fathers health. I will not let it do the same for me.

I know I've got that something special that not many possess. Now it's time for me to use it. Let it shine. Without her. Just for me. For everyone else in the world that I love and care for.

when I wake up, I'm amazing.

Occasionally, I get drunk. It's fun. Sorry for partying. When I awake from my sedated slumber, I have questions. Usually, I get answers.

Tonight, the answer that came to me was the most important one.

I love her.

Shit.

I do.

Even I, tried not to fall. However, it was inevitable.

I'm down.

Face down on the ground. Just laying here, wondering if you'll get my crazy. Hoping you will and dreaming of how it will go down. I dare not write about that.

You're welcome.