CONSCIENCE?

Yes, It seems that I have one after all. I know, I know. Well when she walked in to the bar, and I made her a few drinks, I was a little busy. I probably should have noticed that she was a PYT. Stressing the Y in that little moniker. She was all smiles, and so was I, so I got those digits and did use them to make a date with the auburn haired, porcelain skinned maiden.

First off, she was about an hour late. I am fine with girls being late, but an hour is pushing it. She was text explaining why she was late, so I waited.

She arrived. She looked as if she had just rolled out of bed, or whatever. I didn't mind this too terribly much, for I think ladies are pretty cute this way. I don't usually see it on the first date however, not at the beginning at least.

I asked her what she wanted to drink, and the answer was, "Texas Tea." Shit. She's younger than I thought. Turns out she is freshly 21. Like very freshly.

We talked over a few drinks then we decide to go back to my place to smoke. Upon arrival she checks out my art and we discuss for a minute. It was at this point when I had the opportunity to kiss her. I knew I could have had her. I looked at the bruises on her arm that I am all too familiar with. I step in, and then turn around and get her a bottle of water. What's the deal? Why didn't you kiss her?

I knew why. I knew that's all it would be, tonight. It might have been hot and stuff, for she did have nice curves, and that young spirit that I have played with so many times in the past. I didn't make my move for this is no longer what I want. Meaningless sex used to be great, but now I want more.

I want someone to wake up with on a Sunday. Brunch anyone? I want a partner in crime, not a catatonic sex doll.

As she walked out the door, I knew I would never see her again. It suited me fine, for she is not what I want, and I'm done with fucking around with shit that I do not want.

MATCH ME

The thing that I know most about myself, is that I am better when she is with me. Who is she? Who the hell knows. The times when she has appeared my thoughts are more focused and my heart is more settled than the vehement muscle that is beating erratically in my chest currently.

I like to have fun, and at times I have been told I can be funny. I like funny. Funny makes me smile. That being said, whoever I am with, needs to have a touch of the funny bone. You don't need to be a comedian, but get me laughing and you'll get closer to me loving.

I am passionate. I am crazy. I am a whole lot of things. There is no way that I can type them all out. Some things you don't need to read about anyhow. Just open your eyes and take a look.

I suppose you could call me a romantic. I am, so you can. I am dreamer. I believe in all that cheese. I believe that every love song was written for you and me. I believe that we can supernova a love that will be a light that shines for all to see.

I am a silly heart. I like to get giddy with glee. I like to say fantastically wonderful things. The fun thing about that is that I really mean them. If I say you're the coolest girl in the world, then you are. To me, anyhow. That's really all that should matter. Us. That is what matters to me. I don't care what you think, unless it is about me.

AND AGAIN FROM THE TOP

So I broke it all down for her, on her fucking request. She wanted it. I got it. We said what we needed to. Now, she's going home, and I'm sitting here all alone. But, I thought, I mean, WTF. I have no idea why this kitty gets to me, but she does it every time. Five years bitch. That's what I said. I also said I need five years to make you feel like the most magical gumdrop, ever. Just sayin...

IT'S TIME TO DO THIS.

There are a lot of things I could be doing rather than sitting around, drinking, and falling into deck railings. I could be writing the next, best trashy romance novel. I could be Djing the mess. I could be designing some new hot shit. I could clean up this fucking place! I could shower. I could shave.

I could also be a lonely guy, who has no friends.

I don't want that. I like my friends. I love them, too. They make me laugh, except laughing kinda hurts right now, cause well, you know.

So, for me, it's time to get straight ballin'. I need to do all the things I said, and have drinks with friends to gain inspiration.  I can do this. I will do this. Fractured rib and all.

Stay tuned…

AND FOR THE WIN.

Yes, you know what's up, well she might have been. Only time will tell. My favorite is when they tell me that they're nerds. Fuck you! I love nerds!!! I am a total dork. Completely nerdy and way too geeky for anyone's good. Happy New Year Loves. I love you so much, that I am hot while writing this. You are all amazing. Let your light shine. Shine a light down on me. Besos.