WINNERS & LOSERS

Turn the pages of my life, which one will I be today? Well today, I guess I am a bit of both. I had an interview a job that I really want. It went very well, and I think I may get it.

At exactly 2:22 I received word that she doesn't think it's going to work out with us. She's not feeling it. I told her if she didn't want it, then neither did I. I then told her that I hoped she would find happiness and what she was looking for. I then said it was nice to meet her.

I thought for a minute that maybe I should have fought for her. Then I realized that it's only been a week and there's not much there to fight for. Perhaps it was a test. Maybe she was looking to see what I would say. I doubt it though.

So here I sit, alone again. It's a lonely life that I am living. Yes, I have a lot of friends, a few very close ones and we do love each other. However, friends don't keep you warm when it's this cold outside. There's no one there to embrace you on these cold and lonely nights.

It's 3:11. I always seem to look at the time everyday when it's 3:11. I remember when I left Aspen, and the old life of Mr. and Mrs. Cook, that the time was 3:11. Maybe I will remember that time or keep looking at that time until I forget how this feels.

I mean, I  am not so hurt, after all it's only been one week. I thought I saw it though. I did see something in her. I guess I have always thought that some little Texas philly might be able to save me. I thought it could have been her. However, the only way I want this love to be is to be reciprocated. If she doesn't want me, if she doesn't feel me, then so be it.

That doesn't stop me from feeling however, and it is I that I have to live with. What I want to take from this today, is that it will be ok. I will find her. Surely it's somewhere, right? The love that they speak of. The love that brings me home. The one that makes me live. What made me think that this was so different? She did tell me that she was a man-eater. I guess I didn't believe her. Maybe she's just scared.

Whatever, she's not her, and I am still here. Or maybe I'm still gone. I can't tell. I hope this new job works out. I do need a few changes in my life. I guess I'll just have to make those changes myself. It's a better way to be anyhow. So if you see me today, just know that I have won and lost. That's what I am today, a winner and a loser.