It's been one week in a about two hours. I can see lights outside that remind me of that space cadet glow that I so long for. They have nothing to do with her, except I looked at them just last night when she was here.
I realize that I am ridiculous. I am silly heart and can get so swept away that I act the fool. I was reminded of this today by a true and trusted friend. I thought on it. I then recalled all the things I have learned to this point in my life. It's something I guess that I have fucked up in the past. I do tend to forget these things when the stars are in my eyes. I can expect nothing from her. I cannot wish anything into being. It was easier today once I remembered these things. I was starting to lose it. I hope she didn't catch on.
She's so relaxed and quite the badass that I was scared at first. I see now that I am also a badass, and if she can't see that, then that's her loss. I am worth it. I cannot force it.
If it's meant to be, it will happen. There is no reason to get all worked up about it. It's futile. All these like sick blues for just the promise of what could be. I am not in love. I just see some signs that point in the direction I want.
I think what started this tizzy was when I awoke this morning to find her sun kissed skin laying next to me. I have had visions about that skin. It's that skin I might have also called cinnamon in the past. I don't know if I have ever seen it lying to next to me.
So I go half crazy now and then. I guess I always will. The thing I want to take from today, is that I know who I am. I know what I know, and I know what I want. If I am what she wants, then fucking fantastic. If I am not, oh well, I guess I'll just have to keep kissing all these frogs. Someday my princess will come. She may be here soon, she might be here tomorrow. She might be at concert in Houston. However I won't know until I know, so when I do, don't worry. You'll be the first.
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