IN MY LIFE


I have been dreaming of and looking for love. I can't remember a time that I wasn't. All of the movies, oh those movies, have made my heart seem to think that the ridiculously sublime wonderfulness is out there for the taking. I know what you'll say, it's the movies. Yes, I know. I see the love though. I see it everywhere. I see those magic movie moments actually come to life. Just not for me. 


Let's talk about music. I have always been a huge fan of music. It has always been the soundtrack to my life. When I was young I fell asleep to the radio every night. Perhaps it was those sonic infused dreams that caused this wanderlust in me. All of these words, all of the choruses, have played into the very being of me. I always have a song in my head. I'm usually singing it too. I get lost in the sounds. I hear in my mind all of this music, and it breaks my heart. I keep singing these love songs, just to break my fall. Wasn't every chorus written for us? 


Does this thing really exist? Is there a supernatural, spellbinding, cosmic, brilliant, blossoming, beautifully bodacious love? I hope so. I really hope so. There's one thing I know about myself. I know what I am good at. I know where my strengths and weaknesses are. I know that at the end of my life, my greatest accomplishment will be that love that I speak of. I have so much inside me, that it hurts. It wants out, so badly. 


I want to spread this love that I have made, all over you. Sprinkle it with sweetness. I want to live my life, to build you up. I want to live for you. I want to be a better man for you. I want you to be the better woman behind this good man. Everything I do, I'll do it for you. I am writing now, for you. I am trying to take this thing inside me and share it with the world. I have the love, I feel the love. I need to see in your eyes the reciprocation of what's inside. You needn't say a word. Just one look. That's all it takes.


I have tried. I have failed. I have fallen. I have gotten back up. I will always get back up until I fall so hard that I can't remember feeling the way I do right now. 


I have always been more in touch with my feelings than I probably should be. I feel it all. At times, I have done my best to squash these feelings. I have numbed myself for years. I tried to cut them out. I tried to kill it with all my being. However inside me there is a spring, a deep well of everlasting love. I cannot deny it. It is my strength. It's where my hope, my peace, my smile originates. 


I was made to love her. You've been my inspiration, I want to show you my appreciation. And appreciation is what I got. I want to thank you. I want shower you with a million little kisses. I want to tickle your toes. I want to buy flowers for you. For no particular reason whatsoever. Just to see you smile. Just to feel your warm embrace. I want to watch you walk through sun drenched field in the summertime. Bring your flowered hat. I want to feed you things. Peaches and berries and pies. I want to get drunk on your love. I want to tell you funny things. I want to keep you in my pocket. I want to make you the happiest girl in the whole wide world. They'll speak of our love. They'll say it isn't true. To which we shall reply with a wink and a nod. We know.