A RAINBOW STILL LOOKS PRETTY WHEN IT BLEEDS

Let's just say that sometimes you have to dance naked. I mean, people will look, stare even. Always watching, judging. You know, oh well. Dance. Just dance. Kiss them off these lips of mine.
The lights go up, the crowd bursts into uproarious cheer as the sisters make their way on stage. Like an electrofunk shock to my soul, Jake and Ana come out absolutely scorching. Red and black patent leather gleaming like freshly oiled abs. It's very hot. Sweaty for sure. The sea of sisters before me have the giddy of glee. The crowd is bouncing. Everywhere I look hands, feathers, fingers, and phones are all being waved in the streaking lights emanating from behind my scissors. One by one the buttons unbuttoned down my shirt. Pause. Dance. Just dance. It's been five years or so since I saw the sisters. I loved that tour opener that popped my cherry way back then, but tonight they were new. Licentious. Loud. Lovely. The energy was amazing. The pounding beats, with jakes falsetto, and Ana's soul had my appendages gyrating along with their cunning cadence. The tiny pebbles frolicked under my feet. At a show like this, you better be ready for the long haul. There's no stopping. You don't sit down. You dance. You dance your ever loving ass off. You try to keep your clothes on, but man it's hot, and so were my hotpants. I had decided awhile back that a feather boa is a good a shirt if you don't have anything else, however I was without said boa. Sweat beads are streaming down my wrinkled cheeks caused by the grin plastered on my mug. I sneak the shirt down my back from my shoulders. Do a little half shirt on, half shirt off ditty, and take it off. I brush the girl next to me who let's out some sort of "eww" noise while wiping her arm. "This is the front row honey" I mutter as I sway the other way into the invisible light. This is where I stay locked into perpetual motion. Prancing to and fro, making new friends, and enemies, but all in the sweet sweat soaked gooeyness of the dance floor. When the scissors give us their final kiss, I'm speechless. To my surprise, and my surprise alone THE SCISSOR SISTERS had rocked my snakeskin spandex right off! I don't even care if they respect me today.

That shit was hot.

SHE'S HERE AGAIN, OR MAYBE I'M THERE.

I saw you first. It was in a dream. It was in a dream

It's true. For I have been dreaming about you for some time now. The colors, oh the colors, she comes in colors everywhere. She's busy as a bee and I think, sweet like the honey. Though she was frightened at first, I think this lissome darling is warming up to yours truly. I am ridiculous, and I know you like it. I will not give up, I will not fail. I don't know much about this beauty, but she's doing a great job of running through my mind, all the time. Saw her again, just last night. The best part was that saucy little grin when she did lay those baby blues on me. Her touch is soft. I can feel her sensitivity come to my heart like a shot in the arm. I know one thing doll, and that is, I can tell that you and I are gonna be friends. So you're off on Mondays. Me too…

BEFORE THEY WERE BAND OF HORSES.

They lived in Seattle and were called CARISSA'S WIERD.

Listen to Carissa's wierd now, only on the mess. <---

crazy thoughts about applesauce.

It's been the music. It's always about the music for me. The chanteuse is singing, just to me. I believe that she's singing just for me. It's these flights of fancy that start my beasts of burden a runnin'. I can't get over her, whoever she is. I'm starting to feel that she don't exist. Every time I meet her, she's a bit different, and it feels a little strange. Not at first you see, the googly eyes have got me. The odds come to an end whenever the doubts start creeping in. Is it her, is it me. Will someone please explain it to me.
I know. I've heard it all before. Just wait. Be patient. Stop looking. I wish I could.
she stands before me...

AND WE'RE THERE…

The eclectic mess is well on it's way to completing it's very first birthday, and just in time for Christmas! Looking for that last minute gift idea? Look no further, a very messy, eclectic audio expansion for that special someone you just didn't think of until now.

http://74.61.92.4:8000/listen.m3u

THE DR. IS IN

In the early hours of Halloween 2010 a strangely beautiful, exceptionally scary, and totally creepy Dr. Frank N Furter left his home (the planet Transexual in the galaxy of Transylvania) and arrived in the locale of Austin, TX. The doctor was seen at various soiree's and was even rumored to be serving nachos, queso, and cheesy enchiladas at local cafe on Sunday night. This eternal party goblin was not to be missed as he danced the weekend away causing all to shiver with antici…

HE HE HE HA HA HA

A little bit of spliffy, a little bit of whimsy. It's been dark and rather dreary, but I just can't help from grinning. It's sad, but it's beautiful. It's gritty, but it's pretty. It's no different now than it was then. The characters may have changed, the forces may have shifted, it's just a new set, one in the same, as it has always been and as I suspect, always shall be. So be it. Time to get up, get out and get on with it. You may be my silver lining, you may even be my gold. Whatever you are, my heart you will hold. Take a bite. Throw it against the wall. Step on it. Pretty tough, huh? Like I said, it's gritty, but it's pretty.

IT MAY BE COLD OUTSIDE, BUT AT LEAST I'M WEARING A FUZZY SWEATER.

It's been months since my last post, and man, they have been some months. I'm not dead, so I guess as it would have it, I have emerged stronger, figuratively. I'll just say that for one, I was not at all sad to see the 09 fall forever into the books of history, however tarnished the writing on the pages had become. This is not a place where I will rehash those pages, for if you really want to know you can inquire within after a merry evening and I've got a belly full of wine. Til then, so sorry.

I know the major difference between now and last year. I know why I am feeling things will be different. To everything, there is an end. Perhaps it's the end of the season, the game, the fries. To everything there is an end. This is the world we live in. Last year was the end of the "first part" or "Act 1" of my life. The curtain has come down, the players have hurried to the dressing rooms, and the lights have gone dim.

I rather enjoyed Act 1, it was full of life. It had it's ups and downs, highs and low's and it sure was fucking beautiful. I wonder how Act 2 will begin? I wonder what surprises lay in wait? Perhaps it's all happening. It's all right around the corner. I guess the only thing to do is wait, or better yet, run. Run towards the light. Grasp at it with all you have.

This play is me, and me will surely play.

THESE THINGS I KNOW

Absolutely, positively, maybe. It's here again, and that's the good thing. The horrible thing is that it's here now, at this moment. Perhaps it's always my clock that says it's not the right time, for if it's always not the right time, it must be that I am wrong and it actually IS the right time. What is the right time anyhow? What does that mean? Who decides? Whoever does, check with me next time, please.

I can hold her hand and show her how I cry. Explain to her my weakness so she understands, then roll over and die. I'd rather not. I'd rather just go for it. Tell the world, tell the girl. It's one in the same really. Surely that spark is not spent on I alone. Surely she is feeling a small smidgin of what I am feeling. Surely.

Who knows these things for sure? Nobody does, so anytime you hear me say surely, you must know that I am joking. There is no surely. No sure thing. Nada. Nothing of the sort. These things I do not know.

It's these things I know. I know how I feel and why I feel that way. I know that how I am feeling makes me act in a certain way when with her. I know that my light is fully lit when I look into her eyes. I know those flutters in my belly are not a direct cause of hunger. I know how soft her mouth tastes. How great her grin is. How immediately infectious her laughter can be. I know how deliciously witty she be. I know that I, yes it's true, am in total, complete, 100% LIKE with this beauty.

This is the best feeling I have had in awhile, so like I say, sit down, shut-up, hold on, and smile. The rest is yet to be written...

JUST BE GENTLE WITH ME

What is it about fucking Tuesdays?

MY HAPPY PLACE

Today I have returned to my happy place. It exists solely in the reaches of my mind, and this I know. I should try to get here more often, but hey, I am here today, so today is the day I shall pontificate about it. My happy place consists of giggles, grins, a bit of pep in the step and of course the laughter and love that is all around me.

"I'm not afraid of a love parade in my daydream."

Oh how I love this place! It holds endless possibilities. It's fun! It's amazing, it's gritty and it's pretty. Do you ever feel like there's so much beauty that your head just might pop off? Even if it does, whatever, I am sure that will be thrilling in it's own right.

I truly hope that you can feel my smile through this post, for I am trying my earnest for you to grab a little piece of it and spread it around.

Share the love.

Be the love.

I love you.

LOVE, IS DEAD.

I regret to inform all you hapless souls who have lost, turned down, cheated, or never found LOVE, but, that bitch is dead.
Don't worry, you're in good company.

LOVE was found floating face up at the Lilliputian pool in her condo by the incessant highway late Sunday. Foul play has been ruled out at this point, but key undisclosed sources tell us that there is in fact a suspect. HATE is thought to blame, but like we said, no official word just yet. LOVE enjoyed a somewhat bittersweet life for all her accomplishments. She often ran into her folly, which as has been well documented by various news outlets and purported sources, such as this one. She is survived by three daughters: HOPE, CHARITY, and GRACE. The names and places of the grandchildren have been omitted for "SAFE's Sake"

Additional sources tell us HATE was last seen drinking whiskey at the broken spoke late Saturday. The residence where the body of LOVE was found is within a close approximation to the spoke, and though HATE has not been charged, he is nowhere to be found.

A funeral has been scheduled for Thursday afternoon at the Sunny Brooke cemetery. Flowers can be sent, but the family has asked that you respect's LOVE's wishes that the be kept modest. The service will undoubtedly be humble.

Details to come.

FOR THOSE WHO JUST DO NOT KNOW

Tonight as I lay in bed discovering a newness in myself, the sparrow returned to me. It's strange to me how I knew that the touch that I saw in the sparrow would surely come with her tonight. It did, and I must say it's more beautiful than I imagined. I am not sure why I am drawn to this sorrow, but I know that perhaps it's the recognition of what's inside of yours truly. Is it my ego, or is it at the heart of it? I am not sure, but certain things have caused me to start to believe in a shift of this conscience. I feel that things are just how they should be. For the moment anyhow.

This sparrow was at her most vulnerable tonight as I have seen. I cannot fully express to this lovely bird how much I know what she is feeling, and that it is ok with me. There is no judgement here, and should hopefully feel comfortable here with me. Get close to me. Tell me what you are afraid of. Try and break my heart. I dare you. I am not looking for punishment, for I don't think this sparrow realizes how deep my heart is, and how badly it's been beaten before. The way in which it exists today is a wiser, bigger, and more understanding piece of anatomy. I feel it growing daily, and the best part of this is, that growth is for everyone.

I do believe that things are happening for a reason, yet I am smart enough to know that I will most likely never know said reason.
My part is to know that things are happening all around me, and the best thing I can do is try and smile. It was the sparrow that most recently reminded me of this, and for that I will be forever grateful. I am here for you. I feel more natural with you than I believe I have ever felt, and that's just a good sign that we will become great friends.

As I let the sparrow return to flight I saw something undiscovered before. There is a new light in her eyes. She really looked at me tonight. She did not hide behind that gregarious grin. It was a beautiful moment, if only for an instance. It's here I shall stay until the sparrow's flight returns...

IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS, I'LL SHOW YOU MINE. by Kris Kristofferson

If you're feeling salty,then I'm your tequila

If you've got the freedom I've got the time

There ain't nothing sweeter than naked emotions

So you show me yours, hon, and I'll show you mine

No ma'm I know this ain't all that you've ever been used to

You with your rings on your fingers and time on your hands

Sometimes it's nice to have somebody nice to be close to


Lord, knows I've been there before you and I understand

If you're feeling salty,then I'm your tequila

If you've got the freedom I've got the time

There ain't nothing sweeter than naked emotions

So you show me yours, hon, and I'll show you mine



I wish that I was the answer to all of your questions

God knows I know you wish you were the answer to mine

Darling if you ain't a thing but a change in direction

Lord knows I'd know you'd be somethin' I'm lucky to find



If you're feeling salty,then I'm your tequila

If you've got the freedom I've got the time

There ain't nothing sweeter than naked emotions

So you show me yours, hon, and I'll show you mine

If you show me yours hon, I'll show you mine.

OH THE WIND AND RAIN

It gets me every time. It causes my heart to swell. It wants to burst with beauty. What is it about the rain? I am not sure exactly, I think it makes me think of snuggling up with someone who loves the rain and the snugs just as well. The soft sounds. The warm caress. The touch of the lips. Oh how I love rainy days. They are magical to me as are quite a few things in this life. Yes I believe in magic, not the pull the rabbit out of hat kind, but the serendipitous type. The magic that makes you smile. Makes you laugh, and makes your eyes well up with tears for occasionally the world can be so beautiful that you just can't take it anymore. You have to release your own rain. Let it rain down upon me. Today I can feel the magic. I can see it even. It glows and shines bright, but you have to allow your self to see it. It's like an aura of things. A little spark or a glimmer in the dark. If you can open your eyes wide enough to see it, get ready. It's sometimes overwhelming, so let it flow through you. Allow it to lift your spirits to the highest heights, and when you get to the big puddle, jump in. It's only the excess flow of magic that has collected on the ground. Take a sip, and let yourself slip away...

An oldie, but a goodie.

HELLO, ARE YOU MY LIGHT?

If you read this, which I am sure you probably do not, but just in case, then you would have seen a few posts ago that I am looking for a light that shines. If you don't read this, I mean, why would you? then leave the site, immediately. Anywho, the other day I found a spark. Actually, at first I was blinded with inebriation at that one party where I awoke in my car, but hey at least I was IN the car. I awoke the next morning to remember that there was a definite encounter. A sly fox had led me by the hand to somewhere, and I knew I had a most titilating conversation with her.

Who was she?

What did we speak of?

It eludes me, all day. Suddenly, a flash. Brown hair! Actually I believe I knew this all along. How on earth would I find this spark that I most certainly saw in the dark. Investigate. That's how. I could not return to the scene of the incident for I could not remember where it was. I did have some background on the girl though, I think I know where she works. That's the ticket, show up and see if a brunette recognizes you.

Slowly I climbed the stairs, first the top of the head, the forehead, the eyes, and what a pretty face, could this be her? Is this soulful vixen the very one I seek?
She looks right through me, guess not.

"Hello sir, how are you? Table for one?" she softly says. "Just the bar" I mutter, most definitely not her, I mean surely she would have remembered me. I slink into my seat and order up something cold and wet. I sniff around a bit, looking for the bronze beauty I may have well created in my head. Nowhere to be found. I sit back and try to reach the drunken depths of my cerebellum. Still nothing.

Such an elusive one, perhaps that's why it's so titillating.

Ah yes, there's that degenerate JohnWayne. Maybe he'll have the 411.
Who is she?

She's right up front. She walked you in.

Stunned I see her again, and something goes off in my head. "That is her!" I think to myself. Wow, I am amazed. Such a pretty girl, such a gregarious smile. Why did she not remember me? Did I make a terrible impression? Did she recall me and just not want to go any further in conversation? Hmmmm...

I sit.

Pretty soon she comes and sits at the bar when she's off with a friend. I remember him too. Perhaps they're lovers.
He sees me and invites me to join them. I walk over. I speak directly to her.

"Didn't I meet you yesterday?"

"Oh yes!, That IS you! Sorry I was drunk, and you looked familiar, but I wasn't sure."

"Not a problem, I myself was rather intoxicated and was not sure if it was you either."

Later that evening, we sit alone at the bar.

I ask if I can call her.

"Anytime" she says...

ALLIE dog COOK 1996-2009

The one known to many as a good girl, a bad girl, a slippy girl, but always a faithful girl has left us and gone to dog heaven. She was my best friend, my most trusted confidant, and truly my life's greatest love. It's as if an era has ended. Things are definitely different now. When I walk through the door, I still look for the wagging tail, the sleepy eyes, and the softest ears I have ever had the pleasure of kissing.

Many knew her, and most loved her. She and I had some great adventures, and she will always be remembered by the many who got the chance to meet, hang out with, and pet her. She changed my definition of the word "she" as she always had my heart and her love was never ceasing. Although it's a cliche, she was my best friend, and the one I looked to most in times of trouble, sadness, and always when I was my most happiest. I love this girl with all my heart, and that love will never fade. Still as I think of her, I get a little misty. She was my girl. Although I can no longer seek her counsel, I know she is still with me in spirit. She will always live in my heart, as well as many others.

She passed peacefully with me stroking her precious little head. She was strong til the end, and if you knew her, you would expect nothing less. My friends, it is just me now, and I miss her terribly. I know she is in a better place chasing squirrels and making others smile wherever she is. Please raise a glass and remember the Allie dog if it suits you. Thank you.

To quote a good friend, "She's the only bitch that loved you as much as you loved her."

Rest in peace my love, you were always on my mind.

-Dave

THERE ARE FADED LIGHTS AND LIGHTS THAT FADE

However, I look for a light that shines. It bursts with color, it is color. It's the very essence of the spellbinding aura that I long for. I want it so much, it seems so close yet kind of improbable. Therein lies the predicament. The only thing you can really do, is keep your eyes as open as you possibly can, and when you see the spark, follow the glimmer into the dark...

WHO IS CHARLOTTE MITTNACHT, AND WHERE CAN I FIND HER?

I FOUND MY MUSIC

I love all types of music, and am always listening to my eclectic mess that I own, but today I couldn't find the right fit. I wanted something gritty and beautiful for a good friend reminded me that's pretty much how life is. I had a thought, the song I thought could do it, could do it, and let me tell you, it doesn't get any more pretty, and gritty as this. Ladies and Gentlemen may I present, my song for today, and today was a strange one.

"Everything Is" by Neutral Milk Hotel

Growing sleepy as the rain falls
As children draped in flowers form a chain
They sing a song with jelly jars and bird calls
As night falls into dust and it's day again

I'm not afraid of a love parade in my daydream
Old men with kazoos and beating drums
But I awake and I see the streets are ice cream
It's just you and me and oh dear, our life has just begun

Everything is beautiful here
It's spinning circles around my ears
I'm finally breaking free from fear
And it's fading

Oh beautiful smiles, won't you stay awhile
We could close the door and sleep all day
It's a September sky with pretty pictures in my mind
That's lost its feeling of so afraid

Everything is beautiful here
It's spinning circles around my ears
I'm finally breaking free from fear
And it's fading

Grown sleepy now as the rain falls
As children draped in flowers form a chain
They sing a song with jelly jars and bird calls
As night falls into dust and it's day again

Everything is beautiful here
It's spinning circles around my ears
I'm finally breaking free from fear
And it's fading


The true beauty of this song is to listen to it's crunchy loud grit, sung with sentiment and those super sweet lyrics. Call me if you want a private listening.

ITCHY & SCRATCHY

I guess that's the game, maybe that's always the game. Whatever it is - I like it. This is fun. It's the kind of thing that makes me better. I must consider it all. How could I not? Things can certainly turn on a dime, and while the turn may have been a shocking one, the road remains easy, calm and straight ahead. Is it really possible to have created this thing? I do believe I create my own destiny, so there's my answer. Somedays you just have to go with it, and it let it flow through you. Is it mere coincidence that the very day I bought those brand new shoes, the slinky one oozed a little more out of her shell? It is like the new green adidas that I am so taken with. Please, allow me to explain.

One sunny day you take yourself out. You feel good. Everything is pleasant. There's a want, a need and a desire. I need some new pants, I want some new shoes, and desire something that has the most effervescent sparkle. Long, beautiful story, it was a time when I had it all. It's really an amazing feeling to have your needs, wants, and desires all met on the same day. It's slightly overwhelming, but that's the stuff. When it gets to be too much, just breathe. Exhales almost consistently retain some sort of acceptance.

The funny thing is that in all "normal" circumstances, I would be considered the cat and the mouse be the slinky one. Can slinky befit a mouse more than a cat? Hell no. It comes to me now that I knew this would be the case all along and it's what I wanted. It's working. It's amazing. Chasing this felonic friend will undoubtedly be exciting and fun. All things being equal, I guess that I am Itchy. I always knew I liked that furry little rodent, and I think Scratchy likes it too.

SPLENDID SERENDIPITY

I am absolutely amazed at what has taken place in the last two weeks. It keeps getting better every hour we spend together. Talk. Yes, talk! It's the best thing about it all. I feel like we could talk and talk forever. I think we talked until we passed out just last night. The talk is the truth. It is so real, so refreshing, so unfiltered, and instantly intoxicating. The beauty is in the pact that has brought us together. I can and do say anything to this woman. This is something I have always wanted. I thought it was seemingly impossible to find, for everyone has got their shit, their own agenda, and their own insecurities that usually prevent this kind of thing from happening.

It's all happening.

It is ALL happening!

This makes me giddy like a school girl.

Take my ever loving breath away. There's a rap on the door, a slight pause, and the slinky one appears. I wonder if she has got any inkling about how much she does sparkle? Lighting up a room doesn't cut it. Lighting up my life is more like it. Girl, you have got so much presence - everywhere we go you are the only one I can see. Small in stature maybe, but that is where the smallness ends. It does not define you. It's simply what you have to work with, and work it, you do.

Once again my face catches me smiling, beaming those gastronomic butterflies out into the world where they belong...

FOR THE EXPLORERS

I don’t know where sunbeams end, and moonbeams begin, it’s all a mystery. Like many things in life mysteries can often be explored, however you have to be willing to accept the findings when said mysteries are brought to the surface. This can be a tricky and difficult thing. I would rather know than always wonder though, so, there’s that. It just is. What is it? Well, not what I wanted it to be, but perhaps like Mick said, sometimes you get what you need. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the explorers that will delve in to the depths of the heart, for that’s the only way to go to really know. What can be said is that it’s nice to know, albeit knowing can sting a awful lot. So now I know, and I have made what I believe will be a fantastic friend. I suppose that’s what I ultimately wanted anyhow, however it would have been nice to have a taste for I am certain it’s sweeter than it appears. Oh well...

SMOKE EM' IF YOU GOT EM'

A rather slinky friend recently reminded me of something good. It's almost official, I think this may take. Yay.

I'M AMAZED

So that one, yes, that one! She is the bees knees. She's worth it. She's got it, and I have no idea what she'll do with it, but that's the fun part. At this point I can't do anything but just be honest with the lissome lady. Now she knows how I feel, and although I said I would not scare her, I just may have tugged the curtain a bit too far. Fuck it. That's the only way to do it. After all, we have a pact. As silly as it seems, it also masquerades as making perfect sense. Easy, breezy and beautiful. The lights on 6th made my jolly jump and jitter, and this feels so fresh, that I am not even sure who I want to be anymore. I mean she makes me think, and consider everything. I am fumbling with my words and I get weak in the knees when I am around her. She knows it too, and maybe that's the attraction for her. I don't know for sure, but I will keep on with the chase. She's so sinuous, I must. The best part of the whole thing is that I got the chance I thought I might not ever get. Just to have that chance, and go with it, is fabulous. Not as fabulous as her, but we'll just have to see about that.

THE BITCH, IS BACK.

There's only one. The only one. The one I desire. The one who smells so sweetly...
mostly. Ladies and gentlemen it is with great pleasure that I announce the festivities for the one someone calls the slip. Allie dog® only turns 13 once, or perhaps twice, but, there's only one party, and it's coming to your town.

SLINKY

slinky |ˈsli ng kē|
adjective ( slinkier , slinkiest ) informal
graceful and sinuous in movement, line, or figure : a slinky black evening dress.

This one, the one with the curls that makes me surly. Yes, that one. With this kitten I am smitten. The gracefulness in her movements is razor sharp. Those eyes are grey; or green I think. It's the nuance that has got to me. The posture, the gestures, the way she leans back on a sidewalk bench. She's very felonic, if you will ( feline + tonic ). The gaze is long, drawn out and very deep. She speaks with a softness that is the perfect containment of sweet yet strong. I am captivated by her smile. If she had any idea the power that held, surely she would destroy me, you'd have to. I bow to it. I would do many things. Naughty things. Devious things. Dangerous things... just to have it laid upon me. Although impaired at the time, I dare say that was one my favorite lip tickles I've had. In an instant, the world stood still. Time screeched to an almost absolute halt. Although she eluded my more than obvious invitations, I stayed in slow motion until the morning came. I awoke out of a most salubrious slumber a bit frazzzled for I had things that had to be done, but they had all slipped away. I want to go back there. The place where time stands on it's head, my heart sinks to the bottom, and the slinkiest thing I have laid a gaze upon is sitting right in front of me. Return to me...

OF PHARMACISTS, REALTORS, and NOTHING OF THE SORT


Sometimes you just need to speak up. YOu can watch, you can look and you can even stare if you wish, although I don't recommend it. It's like warming up I guess. Perhaps that's all I really need to do. It goes 1, 2, 3... and a bit of hanging around. You watch them swoop in, giggle, and head out back. You bide your time. There's one that could distract, but turns out, she's the one that's distracted, or wants to be anyhow. Get up, walk outside, it just might work.

Great, it's packed, well, scope it out. You never know who else is lurking. Oh yes, that's the one, but who's this impostor? Wait, am I the impostor? Move, quick. This will do, the corner of the patio round the tree. Ever closer to the one that's caught my eye. Who is this siren? What's her story, where is she from?

Quiet now, just listen, there's something sweet in the air...

Slowly, it begins to take place. Take it down a bit. Relax, it's the same old song, however it sounds like a chord I haven't heard before. Well... hello there. What a wonderful thing. That has got to be the most gregarious grin I have had the pleasure of being shined upon. Oh so small, but actually that's the not the case at all. There is something about this one. In truth, it's a bit overwhelming. It's not often that the softness makes me flutter, but this one has got me snafu'd. Take a breath, soak it up, and let it flow. There is a spark in the dark.

It's got me moonstruck, plagued even. The girl has got to be a bad ass, in fact I know she is. The enchantress is cool one, so mind your p's and q's. Play your cards right, whatever that means. Whatever it means, I am on it. I see it, I want it, I need it, I have to have it. If she could only see. I will show her, not in the usual way, but in a new different one, not the sort I am accustomed to at all. That spark is glowing bright, and looks like it just might burn me well, and that, is the most thrilling component yet.
To be continued...

GUARANTEED
by Eddie Vedder

On bended knee is no way to be free
Lifting up an empty cup, I ask silently
All my destinations will accept the one that's me
So I can breathe...

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
Half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
A mind full of questions, and a teacher in my soul
And so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across, in cages they bought
They think of me and my wandering, but I'm never what they thought
I've got my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
Underneath my being is a road that disappeared
Late at night I hear the trees, they're singing with the dead
Overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
Consider me a satellite, forever orbiting
I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me
Guaranteed

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNEW ME AT ALL



Even when you were just one year old, there was magic, somewhere in the air...

WHAT IS IT ABOUT TUESDAY?


I have always thought of tuesday as brown. Light brown to be exact. I'm not really sure why but I tend to associate different days of the week with certain colors that sort of vary but are rather constant. They're a bit older, more of that nostalgia I suppose. Not like the Hannah Barbera ink, but rather the briar rabbit book I had in the late seventies. You probably had to be there. At this point I almost feel compelled to give you the rest of the days, and I know you want to hear about them anyhow, so here we go. Wednesday is kind of a salmonish orange, thursday faded kelly green, Friday is obviously black, saturday is a fiery kind of red, sunday a nice mahogany brown, and monday white with a rose hue. I'm not for sure but, it seems these colors have been the same my whole life, at least as much as I remember at least. I have not delved too far into the abyss of my mind as of late to be able to explain why I do this, or how it effects my life. It must have some effect however, and maybe I should listen to that a little more, it seems natural to me. I think I just might. It's the early stages of that mellow green, I think I'll start there.

IT'S SO COLD AND SHE'S SO WARM

She's great, it's great. It was what I have been missing I think. It's that one, you know the one. The silly one, the sweet one, the sexy one, the shy one. That girl has definitely got me. I think she gets it, and she may just like it. It's a lesson I believe. An exercise in patience, and I may have failed the quiz. It's cool, I forgot to study, I was too excited yesterday. it's all her fault anyway. She knows, that I know that she knows that I write this in the hopes that she'll read it, but it's a farce. She's not reading it, and do I even want her to? Yes, that's why I am writing this. What's that thing called that she's got? That thing that has me, consumes me, and makes silly thoughts pass through my head. Oh, the girl is growing up though. It's good to see, and it's always nice to see the lovely thing being more of the extraordinary person I know she will be. I wonder at times if she is how I think she may be, or if perhaps she's just like me. I hope it's the latter, I have a sneaker, but she's a wiggly little worm, and do you really ever know? I do and she best figure it out soon, or I'm just going to have to wait longer...

GOIN DOWN THE ROAD FEELIN' BAD

If you've ever read this blog before, then you know, the title in which lies this post is how the bus has been rollin along for a little while. However, I am feeling much more like me as of late. I guess I grew up a bit. No, I know I did. That being stated so openly, I guess it's safe to say I am feeling better about my life in general. Now feeling good, can be a tricky thing, for when feeling good, some might get scared that those other feelings of doubt and hopelessness are just around the corner. Well I say, hey ho, let's go. I have decided in my life that the best thing you can do is take those feelings, feel em', and then, fucking let their dumb asses go. That shit will eat your ever loving heart out.
Maybe today I feel good. I think really though, it's about confidence. When I am feeling confident, I don't sweat the small stuff, and when you are exuding an air of confidence, people definitely sit up and take notice. So today, tomorrow, and the next day for sure, I am ready to roll, if you're down for it, then come along. If you're not, shut the fuck up, get the fuck out, I ain't got time for your bullshit.

"WELL, HOW DID I GET HERE?"

A good line to a great song, and the question that is ringing in my ears...

today I just feel like this song. Boo.

TWO HEADED BOY
by Neutral Milk Hotel

Two-headed boy
All floating in glass
The sun it has passed
Now it's blacker than black
I can hear as you tap on your jar
I am listening to hear where you are
I am listening to hear where you are

Two-headed boy
Put on Sunday shoes
And dance round the room to accordion keys
With the needle that sings in your heart
Catching signals that sound in the dark
Catching signals that sound in the dark
We will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine
And when all is breaking everything that you could keep inside
Now your eyes ain't moving now
They just lay there in their clouds

Two-headed boy
With pulleys and weights
Creating a radio played just for two
In the parlor with a moon across her face
And through the music he sweetly displays
Silver speakers that sparkle all day
Made for his lover who's floating and choking with her hands across her face
And in the dark we will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine
And when all is breaking everything that you could keep inside
Now your eyes ain't moving now
They just lay there in their clouds

Two-headed boy
There is no reason to grieve
The world that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves
Left beneath Christmas trees in the snow
And I will take you and leave you alone
Watching spirals of white softly flow
Over your eyelids and all you did
Will wait until the point when you let go

OCCASIONALLY 1'S AND 0'S

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A USERS GUIDE TO THE GRAVY

In case you're wondering what makes the gravy tick, just keep on wondering. This is in no way shape or form anything relating to what makes me tick, but rather, what gets me. Got it? Good.

Recently I came across something shiny and new. Quite the gem if I do say myself. It's gems like this that really start me up.
After spending a little time with said gem I had to wonder,

"Is there a specific formula to which the gems can subscribe that will get to me every time?"

You know, or actually you probably don't. Here's a short list:

Cute
Infectious smile
Fun
Sweet
Cute
Affectionate
A little crazy
Hot
Lovely
A beauty
Understanding
Adventurous
"Monkey-ish"
Silly
Down
Wonderful
Charismatic
Smart
Nice
Intelligent
Bright Eyed
Bushy Tailed
Smells like heaven
Tastes even better
Sparkly eyes
Excitable
Doll like
Something I want to eat
Fan of gravy
Slippy likes her
Trouble, the good kind...

So the formula I suppose would be: take above ingredients, mix with a bit of booze, toss in some laughs, pepper generously with awesome conversation. Mix thoroughly, set aside. Bake at high temperatures until center rises, remove from heat, rub with oil and see what happens. It smells good to me. I wonder how it will taste? I can only assume it's just what the Dr. ordered.

TOUCH OF GREY - WILL BE PLAYED AT MY FUNERAL

COURAGE

This Nike ad during the olympics was my favorite. Great images, great song, and Oscar Pistorius at the end, well, gave me a few tears. This is quite inspiring. In case you missed it. Here it is.

BABYLON

Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon

Sunday all the lights of London
Shining , Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone
I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me


If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon, Babylon

DISAPPOINTMENT IS A FEATHER IN YOUR CAP.

I have been a big fan of BECK, for quite some time, and I love to listen to the old shit. Yeah, I'm old, and like a fine wine, it just keeps getting better. Here's something or other...


You want the truth, so you can crush it in your hand...

there's no map, that could tell you where you are. You're in between things, that only go half way...

Place your bets at the door before you leave.

I STILL MISS SOMEONE


At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind Will come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone

I go out on a party
And look for a little fun
But I find a darkened corner
'Cause I still miss someone

Oh, no I never got over those blue eyes
I see them every where
I miss those arms that held me
When all the love was there

I wonder if she's sorry
For leavin' what we'd begun
There's someone for me somewhere
And I still miss someone

Oh, no I never got over those blue eyes
I see them every where
I miss those arms that held me
When all the love was there

I wonder if she's sorry
For leavin' what we'd begun
There's someone for me somewhere
And I still miss someone

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE'VE BEEN PUBLISHED.

A good friend is sometimes, all you need. That good friend today is Carl Weiman, obscure scientist, and philanthropist extraordinaire. The mad man was kind enough to provide us with a review of the latest installment. Here it is, unabridged, in original form. We are proud to re-present the old soul window.










Dave Cook’s

“old soul window”, scanned painting/drawing

Review by Carl Weiman


Leonardo da Vinci observed that “The Eye is the Window of the Soul”, a beautiful metaphor that expresses both directions of the intimate flow our consciousness has with the outside world. We drink in the structure and beauty of our surroundings mainly through our vision, aiming it like a spotlight at the natural world. But communication goes in the other direction in face-to-face human contact. The self’s eye reads the intentions and emotions of the other’s eye as a window into the other’s soul, and of course vice versa. A huge distinction between us and animals is our sophisticated mental machinery for imagining and reflecting upon the mental states and intentions of our social counterparts. We build models of the people we are dealing with, and once crossing that boundary, models of their models of our models of …. etc. Inevitably then, we build models of ourselves for public presentation to be displayed in various roles according to our perception of the current stage. Negotiating a deal, convincing a partner or being convinced by one to take up an unexpected action, coercing a supplicant, pleading with a creditor, befriending a long-lost relative. Each has a different context and set of behaviors.

Neuroscientists have identified “mirror cells” in the brain which express these reflective functions of awareness. Sociopaths are purportedly diminished in this regard. All of the social activities of civilization including government, education, criminal justice, religion, art and agriculture involve intense reflective awareness of each other’s shifting roles within the hive of culture.

Mr. Cook’s work depicts the essence of the reflective frames of reference of the human soul, extracting away all content to lay naked the vessel and its unique nesting structure. Frames within frames, each an accurately proportioned image of its predecessor, but necessarily diminished and changed in small details by the subjective shrinking process. Like the successive images in the opposed mirrors of a barbershop. The simplicity of the frame shape and color, and absence of imagery within, focuses the viewer’s attention on the structure of the nesting, and puts the burden of responsibility for satisfaction of content-hunger directly on the viewer. The lack of hues emphasizes structure by eliminating any reliance on the color channel.

At the penultimate level, the spiral notebook is the outermost frame, startling the viewer with the fact that the regression is neither infinite nor anonymous. The artist is the ultimate outer frame, individual and idiosyncratic. All else is within his depicted imagination. But not quite! The ultimate framing level is the digitized image, conveniently used here as a method of communicating the image hundreds of miles away. But the with the side effects are that thousands can see it, and this image will remain intact long after the spiral notebook has disappeared.

TIME FOR REVIEW

On Monday, I will have my review after my month contract at http://www.FramesDirect.com. Anything cool you see is all me. ;o)
How will it go, well I believe, but one can never tell. All I know is how I feel, and tonight I feel nice. I fell I have done a good job at work, and took steps to clear my head, and figure a few things out. It's amazing thhe things you can do in the heat, especially with the lack of coffee. I have been one cupping it, and that's a stretch for me, but if you're reading this, that comes as no surprise. I like my coffee. I like my beer. I like my smokes. I like my softness. It's the simple pleasures after all ain't it? Ahh yes, the birth of the classicool. Wait for it...

OLD SOUL WINDOW

As the move has brought many changes in my life, an old soul in myself has resurfaced. I have decided to start producing art again, and this is the first installment, of many I hope. Here it is, it's old, it's dark, but it's quirky, and looks like if you look hard enough, you just might be able to make out what's inside.

JEFF & JEN 05.17.08

TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE

I think it's time, well actually it has been time for quite some time, does even make sense? Actually, no, it doesn't, I believe that my trepidation for changes, has been that I enjoy coming up with new seemingly logical ways to dispel
myself. Drrrrrrr. If that's offensive to you then, slap yourself, repeatedly, in the chest, whilst trying to bite your ear. Get it? Got it? Good. Now back to me.

I spose what LiWe was sayin last night, rings rather true. I can put up with crap for a nice piece of pie. I put up with some really CRAPPY crap for a shitty piece of pie right now. What's the difference? My morals? HA! Look at what I currently do for a living. Is that really waving my moral banner? If I am, I'm sorry, but you should start slapping me, given the first opportunity.

I can still covvet my MAC when I get home, we can have unabated sensual moments, her silver skin, touched to my pinkness, oh jeebus. I need help...

A CASE OF THE MONDAYS

Yet another monday morning for me that is not all that well. First off my accountant needs to be fired. My finances are a mess due to a mishap with a birthday card. Oh the domino effect. Oh well, I'll make it work, somehow.

Ok let me just say I am hell of jelly today for my two favorite bitches took the day off and are playing at Red Rocks. No invite! WTF? You know I would have called in sick. Oh well, I guess you needed your alone time.

Ok, poor me, yeah, I know. Well, fuck off. No one is making you read this.

AND THEY CALL IT PUPPY LOVE

Last night was like a throwback to the days of yore, with a twist. The beautiful Ms. LiWe and I had some wonderful Pho at the newest noodle house in the county before heading over to the Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour screening at the university. On the drive over, we enjoyed some tasty brownie's that old Lop Ear had prepared for his mending leg, just days before. MMM, brownies. After the screening of the best of the best of the film fest (which was quite good), we stopped by an old school American haunt, that we had not previously been to before. Where do you find the best fries and Coca-Cola products, and a cheap hot fudge sundae? That's right Mickey D's! I found it funny that we had never been to the old arches together til now, but it was so reminiscent of the campy old tradition of Mickey D's and movies, that we just had to do it right.
We had a medium fries, a hot fudge sundae and a large Coca-Cola, complete with double sippin' straws...

THEY JUST DON'T MAKE EM' LIKE THEY USED TO…

Genesis - Land of Confusion

MY 8 BIT FRIENDS!
Well these critters sure got me going today, it's my birthday, holler, don't stop...

STYROFOAM

Well, There's nothing on TV
That will warm up your feet
As you gather your ribbons
And declare your retreat

As your shadow chases you
Mine chases me
And your sugar, and stamps, and alcohol
Hang high from a tree

Singin' Hey, remember me
I'm the one who stood up your backbone
Hey, 1, 2, 3
What will it take
For you to break, our styrofoam?

Well I hit up a high note
And asked you what do you think?
You tell me to go wash my mouth out
Away, in the sink
And perhaps I'm just not built for singing
Perhaps I'm just not built for sound

Well I'm singing Hey, look at me
I'm the one designing your clothes
Hey, What about me?
And all that I hate
I wish it'd break , like styrofoam

And, I dug at your cavity,
I fill it with gold
Because it's caps again
Back to me
And the talk it's gets old, it gets old

Hey, wait for me
I'm the one walking your slope
Hey, you wait and see
Cause it'd be great, if you'd just break
If you'd just beak
Like styrofoam

THE KING OF CARROT FLOWERS, PT. 1

When you were young
You were the king of carrot flowers
And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees
In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet

And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder
And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor
As we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for

And this is the room
One afternoon I knew I could love you
And from above you how I sank into your soul
Into that secret place where no one dares to go

And your mom would drink until she was no longer speaking
And dad would dream of all the different ways to die
Each one a little more than he could dare to try

IN THE AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

What a curious life we have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anne's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

THIS AIN'T NO FOOLIN' AROUND

That's right. I am serious, well, mostly. This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, but my camera's back now. Here's some fun from today.

IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES
I hope that doesn't mean the worst of times are around the corner. Well let me just say that I had a great weekend with the lady I love. We were laughing, talking, kissing, and visiting Argentina, wow, soooo good! I love this girl with all my heart, and things seem to be getting much better. I hope this trend continues, and that we're able to keep this honey moon going. I don't think it will be too difficult. So here's to you and here's to me, bff's we shall always be.

w00t! w00t!

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

As the day approaches my heart grows warmer, and yet still a bit melancholy. I can't help but smile when I here Judy Garland's haunting version of the the song. It struck a particular chord with me this year, and in a minute you'll know just why. Here are Judy's lyrics to this Christmas classic. Try and hold back your tears. Bid, this one's for you.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be
out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yule-tide gay
Next year all our troubles will be
miles away
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of your
Faithful friends who were near to us
Will be dear to us once more
Someday soon, we all will be together
If the Fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

MONDAZED
Well hello to all who are reading this, haha, that's nobody! Anywho, I just wanted to say that I am in a good mood today, and have figured some things out in my head. I realize the WATCHDOG group and the FDA still have yet to reconvene, but that's ok. Somebody once told me that absence make the heart grow fonder. I agree with that person whole-heartedly. It sure does for me, and I hope it does for her too.
I had a great weekend catching up with some old friends, and making some new ones, well just one actually. Good times were had by all, but sadly, they are never long enough. It's always good for me to speak with some oldies but goodies for they remind me of who I am, and what I want. I am ME, I want YOU. That's pretty well known though, so albeit, I want IT, if I don't get IT, I am going to be ok. A wittle sad, but hey, who isn't these days...

FDA & WATCHDOG GROUP REACH CONCLUSION (SORT OF)

In yesterdays post I mentioned that there were going to be some talks last night. The talks were going to address the Cosmic Connection's® shelf life and see what could be done to preserve/destroy it.
Both sides brought up valid and true points, but no final decision could be reached. Deciding not to be locked in to a total stalemate, both parties agreed that the "connection" would be removed from the shelves for a period of one week so that it could be thoroughly examined.
After the week long examination both parties agreed to reconvene with both of their findings to present to one another. The parties also expressed interest in coming to a final conclusion at the next meeting, loosely scheduled for late next week.

WELL...
It's come to this. It's time to make-up or break-up. I hope it's not the latter, but I kind of think it will be. I am going to talk it out tonight with my girl, so we'll see. Here's to being wrong. I have felt like this was coming, I just wish it didn't have to come like this. How's that you say? Well, I 'm not going to say. Let's just say there's been some pulling away on her part , and some withdrawing on my part. It has always seemed as if there was a shelf life to this whole thing, I hope it's not expired yet. I will undoubtedly be posting about what happens tonight. I know it will be for the best, no matter the outcome. It's just sad to see the magic fade away, because it makes me wonder if it was really there at all. I think it was, but I'm not the only one in the mix. I believe in magic, especially romantically. I guess we'll see if I am just a hopeless romantic, or if it there really is a little bit of magic in that old black hat. Oh the holidays...

AND IT'S CONTAGIOUS... REGINA SPEKTOR 10.30.07

The stage at the Wiltern was dressed as if you had just stumbled into the theater after a large rock concert. There were various disco balls that lay deflated from their former glory sparkling high above the stage. There were paper bits strewn about the stage and a few musical instruments. There was a mint green hollow body guitar, and baby, that piano was grand.
You may have been upset that you missed the show, but to your surprise you found a quirky girl tapping the ivory, and so, you decide to stay, and honey, you're glad you did because what the rock n roll show would have done to your soul could not hold a candle to what ms.Regina did to it instead. That girl, that woman, the lady Regina...

Gasp, sigh...

Amazing doesn't really describe what I experienced. I had never been in such close proximity to such an amazing artist before. The stage presence from this cute little girl would take anyone down. I had never seen anyone own it, like that. Here's this little girl, so cute, so talented, so smart, and all, so effortless. To walk out on stage armed only with your piano, your voice, and your smile, has got to be extremely nerve racking. If it was for Regina, I would have never known.

Own it, check. Bring the house down, check. Bring a tear to your eye, check. Make you laugh, check. Make you feel like you were witnessing a moment in time that will never be duplicated, check.

I cannot say enough good things about the girl. America this is your daughter. It's evolution. It's the confluence of jazz, rock, and all great things American, musically. It's time for Regina. I am overjoyed to be able to say that I saw her when she was young. Surely she will be the biggest star in the world. How can this perfection not be? Not only is she the greatest thing musically, ever, she's got a great social commentary to boot. I can't get over it. I'm still smiling, beaming and annoying the CRAP out of my coworkers,I think I have played the only album I currently have, at least three, possibly four times today, oh and it's on again.

If you haven't heard of her, listen. If you haven't seen her, look. If you don't like her, kill yourself, cause you suck and that's sad. It's not even a stretch to say, that was the best show of my life last night, and I am no stranger to the show. The sirens song had me in tears within ten minutes, and it wasn't because it was reminding me of some sad or depressing time. It was because I couldn't smile any bigger. I could not laugh any harder, and I could not have had my heart filled with any more joy than I experienced at the Wiltern just last night. It was magic. It was the stuff dreams are made of.

To end the show, she took three bows to the crowd and exclaimed, "I'm so happy"
The joy flowed from my eyes, and for a moment in time, everything was fine. All was well, and it seemed the joy I was feeling was not lost on me. You couldn't escape it in the room, it truly was contagious, Regina herself could not escape. Thank you ms.Spektor, thank you.

EMERGE
Last night I could not get that word out of my head. It was like the lights were turned on, finally. Perhaps the lights have been on, but I was so afraid to see what was there, I just couldn't allow myself to look. I had intentionally been numbing myself, so that I couldn't see at all. I can't believe it took me this long to wake up, but hey, I am now awake, a bit groggy, but awake. It's amazing the CRAP that you see once you finally allow yourself to take a look around the place you call your life.

I have been screwing up , left, right, forwards, backwards and any other way you can think of. I knew I was doing it, but I was kidding myself by thinking it would all just magically be ok. I have been pushing those I love away, and that hurts me the worst. The one I have pushed away the most, is in fact the one that I love the most. There is no way to express the regret that I feel for the childish ways I have acted towards this person. I cannot believe that they still, despite all my efforts, love me. It was this kind of unconditional love that really helped me to awake.

I finally feel that mentally, I am in a good place. That being said, I feel that I have tangled a lot of things up, and it will take some time and patience to get them untangled, but that's ok. It's kind of like the long winter is over, and the first rites of spring are here. I know I have said I have been here before,but I hadn't believed it until now.

I think that is the all important ingredient. Belief. I had not, until this point, actually believed that I could do this. I didn't think I had the strength inside me. It's funny to me that I needed someone else to see it in me, to believe it myself. It's not funny I guess, at all.

You know who you are. You know what I mean, and I am so happy to have the opportunity to give back to you what you have given to me. I may not ever be able to repay you fully, but I'll live the rest of my precious time with you to make sure that I am doing everything I can to make you really feel it, but not too much, I wouldn't want you to feel any pressure...

THREE'S AND NINE'S @ SOHO 10.02.07

Here's a slideshow of the show. The lighting was low, and I don't like the flash, so I experiemented with different camera situations and here are the results. Enjoy! if you haven't heard them already listen here:
http://www.myspace.com/threesandnines

PRESSURE & PROXIMITY
Two words that hold much meaning these days. I think they are closely related and worlds apart. A paradox, a conundrum, a snafu. Where does it start, where does it end? Is it too heavy, or treading too lightly? Is there too much speak, and not enough silence?

I love to ask questions when I know no one has the answers, and there is no way of figuring them out. Perhaps that's my own pressure. I know only I can answer these questions for myself, so that's the proximity effect. Hmmm, pressure and proximity. Sounds like a breakfast cereal, I think I had one bowl too many...

RADIOHEAD - IN RAINBOWS
In Rainbows, starts almost where "Hail to the Thief" left off, a bit odd but as always melodic. As per usual I knew this album would be a departure from their last album, so as I keep listening, it truly is, but was not the far off weird departure I thought it might be. Well, that would be Kid A, so my thought would not have been a departure, instead, Radiohead have mad a strangely beautiful, pretty album. Who knew they could turn their self loathing into something that reminds you of the joyful times?

It's ROCKTOBER, and it started yesterday, you're aleady late!
Here's your chance to get back into the swing of things. TONIGHT:

Holy CRAP! I'm back bitches. YOu all must have been washed away by the tears of those former subscribers who used to actually read this crap rag. Well since no one is reading this anyhow I can say whatever I like. What do I like? I dunno. I like me some DJ Sniffles, but she's in the bay today, speaking of the bay, your host ( that's me bum-soo ) is headed to Vegas this weekend to stay at the Mandalay Bay!
Holler.
Yes the rumors are all true, and Stevie Lizard is not anywhere in sight. I am headed to sincity to catch up with some good ol' southern frat daddies I ustacould know back in college. Yeah, I said ustacould, what of it? I' ain't too positivo how this weekend will go seeing as all these southern fux are married and I'm sure have lost at least one of their balls to their fag hag bitches they call wives. What's that? No, I am not being mean, I used to be married to one of those fag hags, so I am just calling myself out! See, told you, now go fuck yerself!
I ain't really trying to write anything prolific here today, I just wanted to get back into the blogging habit, so you might call it a stab in the dark, personally I prefer a poke in the dark, but SOMEBODY always wants to do it with the lights on! It's quite nice, actually, I'm only grandstanding because I can, I have a blog! You are all my minions, who must subscribe to this blog, or I will quietly cry in the corner. Geez, it's a good thing nobody's reading this CRAP today, cause CRAP it surely be. JIC you missed it , it's FRIDAY! Woot, woot! Well kiddies, I'll let you know how the debauchery plays out this weekend.

p.s. This bitch is getting a boob job!
In an effort to bring you the best CRAP on earth I will be adding many more photos to cosmiccornblog! Stay tuned... To kick this shit off, here's a few photos from my trip to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles.

ABBA - Mamma Mia

A GAMBLE IN LIFE (AN OPEN LETTER TO JENNY LEWIS)

I wanted to write a song about French films and trains, but I couldn't focus, focus on the pain.

So now I am just sittin' here thinkin' of you, I am on the Texas Eagle, it's route 22.

You know already that my middle name is always, so why must you dance around my hallways?

I am waiting for you, now in the car, it looks like however, we'll never get far.

Baby, I know your bad news, after all that's the reason I like you.

Don't you think I know it's a hit? Your starring in it, but I think you know, you're the shit.

shu-bop. shu-bop. my baby...

I must wonder, do you love me like I love you? I want to know you, but will I ever get to?

I'll hold your life in my hands, not just that pretty little face.
When I get to California, please, put me in my place.

Cause I love you, and I don't care if you love me. Go ahead, have the baby.

If it turns out to be all for love, you will be loved. Open up your eyes, keep it up, it will be enough. You know it, you will be loved.

I wanted to find myself by travelin' out west, but I don't think however that there is anyone who is better. This is the reason, I will not drop the rock on you, and so you know, it's here in this letter.

If you're telling me that you're lonely too, why do I sit here waiting, panting for you? If you have had enough o fthe breakdowns, why don't you just let your guard down? I'll never deconstruct, but I'll live my life to build you up.

Please don't murder what matters to me, cause you'll be killing yourself if you did.

I know I'm all alone, and seriously what the hell is sleep? I hope that one day you will sing this song, and we'll get the chance to meet.

Could you really be my American wife, or is this just one more gamble in life?