OUT HERE ON THE WING

 Do you know what I hear  you know living out here on the edge Scana fucking crazy. Space is infinity and which is really into it just Berlin through space and time on this fucking rocker go earth kind of amazing scared to you and if you don't really know what you're doing  you should probably stop and take a look or try to figure some shit out because I tell you it's a little bananas let it out here on the edge fuck it was reality we call 2016 dating is the worst thing to note is often thing on the planet and I'm in the little ghosts are everywhere on the level technology but there is just fucked us right in the ass there's always something better blue or  sparkly or has a fucking boat. It's crazy all white with the amount of apps and websites in notifications and messages from two years ago the jewel good it's just absolutely bananas B a N a N a S Grant Stephani I'm trying this type thing for the first time and it's kind of hilarious because when I read it back  that sounds like fun not make any sense and I'm definitely not because I'm talking into my iPad and low high not really drunk at all but just just wondering how Rose is doing and distillate want to hold off  I have to continue because this is kind of like the best thing ever I'm talking my iPad and this text is coming out and it's fucking hilarious I'm gonna push it so if any of the shit makes sense which I'm sure it doesn't because even to meet of the make sense but you know whatever inane marker sounds like I want to party.


 It was buckaroo bonsai that Mr. you let me in and then she gives him a glass of red drink when you drink it it's thing you know I don't know I'm sure you know because that's the way goes these days but I'm looking to remove share it was phase read a lot right now because when I am soaked it over my TV stand is red to red box for you both of the doors it's amazing this letter read have your hair so I guess that with the signature color  Holy shit this is amazing the technology is just not there or something but I love it it's hilarious I can't stop laughing at myself for a reason but I really am after I'm talking into this damn thing I love you all my kisses sound. Laughing  just more laughing I don't know LOL it's awesome and amazing deal of it bye

I Love Her. I truly do

  When I met her, I was, as they say, love struck at once.  I saw her aura, it was spellbinding and most definitely gold. I saw her as she shook my hand. 

She did not see the same in me as we did not fall into each other's arms and fall instantly in life vet with each other. 

It took a bit of my moxie to get her to agree to go out with me.  She finally agreed. 

The times we had together we're some of the best times I've ever had in my life. This girl, I mean This woman and I had truly found a one of a kind love. 

Fast forward a bit. 

She's a mover and a shaker. She got promoted to this, she got promoted to that.   

She had moved from our town, to here, then there. 

She had asked me to move there. I considered it. I did not. 

She would come back to where we had met, and mostly I would see her. The other times I didn't I wished I would have.  

For the last time I saw her, she had found a new love, in the place where we lived, even though she still lived there. 

It was something of a blow to me. Some other man, had been willing to date her long distance from the same place I lived. 

It killed me. Why hadn't I? WHY HAD'NT I!?!

I have never tried to date long distance. It scared me. I did not think I could do it. After thinking about it, I believe I should have tried. 

Fast forward a bit. 

I was done.  Over it. It was the fall, and I had been working at a job that allowed me to transfer to anywhere in the world. I was in.  I was ready. 

I was tired of being alone. 

I had decided to apply to any job in my company, that was anywhere but here. I told the ones that needed to know. 

I gave up. I said fuck it.  I like to say that. Usually it works. 

The funny thing is, when I say that, things will change. I have realized that whenfaced with a problem, I am unable to deal with it, until I remove myself from it. 

Like a good man once said, it's difficult to see the pile of shit while you are standing in it. 

I agree. 

When I removed myself from my issues, things started to take place. 

For lack of the most convenient terms, my life was happening, all around me. 

God was showing me the answers I was seeking. 

Randomly. 

Finally! I began to see what was happening. When I did, itwas a windfall of information. It all made sense. 

I smiled a gregarious grin. I had found my future. 

The phone rang, I answered. 

It was her, yes her! 

She told me she was back in the town we met in. We agreed to meet. 

I figured it was another time she was back for a week or so, so I was excited to see her. I always am. 

We met, after some directionally impaired calls/call backs, she arrived. 

When I saw her pull up in Levi. My heart dropped, just a little. She got out and walked towards me looking as lovely as ever in a big white sweater and fantastically tight blue jeans. We hugged. I gave her a kiss on her forehead. We exchanged pleasantries. 

Over drinks she told me stories. The one that stood up, stood out, and completely resonated with me was this. Let me set this up: She was the most driven person I had ever met. She worked hard. She always had. She had worked through beating cancer as a child. This drove her more than anything. In her adult life, she took that and kicked ass. It carried her to where she wanted to be in her career. 

One time, back in the day, I had mentioned that life was not about what you do, but about the relationships you have with those you love. 

She asked me to show her how to enjoy her life. She realized, after she had gotten to where she wanted to be, her house was a little cold and lonely she wanted to live her life and have fun. 

I agreed to show her. 

Over the next few months I made it my job, to show her just that. 

I have also decided she is the one for me. 

I call her everyday. 

I am ready to show her with actions not words, what love is. 

There was one, but he has showed his cards. I know she loved him. However the proof is in the pudding. 

I know it's hard to let go. 

However, if you let go, and love me, I will show you things you didn't think were possible. 

I'm going to love you anyhow, so you can wait and see. 

I am he, I have always been yours.  

Kate, l love you

It's all bullshit. The browser you detected is also full of shit. You're both full of reasons and of matter of fack reasons.  Fuck that.
That's my mantra.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.

Spinning in infinity

I'm watching the best movie ever: Avalanche Sharks

 The description is:

(2013) A snow Avalanche awakens humongous, prehistoric sharks that proceed to chomp on bikini-clad coeds.

I've gone a little crazy.  I do that from time to time. It's fun. Good?

I don't know, but I'm am writing which I should do more of.
Although you don't read it. I should still practice my prose.

It makes me feel better.

I've got pure imagination.

It's best if I get it out.

Occasionally I deliver beautiful dissertations.

Delivered from my dreams, orated from the drunken opening in my face.

I don't recall those, so it's better when I put my fingers to the keys and dispel the negativity that wants to sink to the bottom with me.

This reminds me.

Just remember two words:

Fuck That.

Avalanche Sharks.

It's beautiful.

Who cares.

Zero Fucks.

His prose.

Is moxie.

Damnit, just be cool bitch.

ugh, you know I hate that.  You know, the time when you're super excited for a first date, and something comes up with the lady in question.
I had made plans for a date. 😊
I can't believe I just used that emoji.
I digress.
We had recently met at work and had some good conversations.
I thought about it...
Went for it.
Nailed it.
It was supposed to go down tonight.

Sooooooooo sorry!
I have an issue to deal with.
No worries
Rescheduling is an option
Thanks for understanding.

Cool, that's all.

Damn I was excited
A little deflated
I'll be ok
What's for dinner?

It's Them, I love.

As you know, I go crazy pants when I think of her. We were supposed to have  a  date.


I  woke up excited. I went full retard. I digressed.
I knew the only hope for me was to partake with my friends.  The best ones. The ones I love. You know those two. The ones with the dogs. The ones I watched this weekend. For a minute.

Those lovelies secured my passage. They also filled my belly.

That's  not why I love them.

I love them, for who they are are.

They are real..
My besties..
Hey Rob and Jenna.

I

Fucking

Love

You

For Reals?

it strikes me now, when I'm purely wasted. Shit. She's here. After all the years of this and that, fucking in the car port. You know, the usual.
 I let her go with the "Grammy Arms" person in a car-to-go. WTF
Where did I go wrong.
It's Memorial Day.
I'm drunk.
I wish I was high
The TV said " life's a journey"
I laughed hard, cause wtf is happening.
Is it here for us to tempt each other with other options that are not right.
Is it best left not to speak of, for truly, I love you.
Maybe, I don't and this is all for the best.

Who fucking knows how the wind blows.


Call me darling

Drunk with the only saints I know

that's the usual theses days.  I know a few, and commiserate with them often. It's the only way to be in this town of perpetual Peter and Patty Pans. There's always something new right around the corner and most cannot or will not deny it. Go have it. Learn about it. Fuck it. Do not give a shit about it. 

Them's the rules. They disgust me. I want a girl to take away the heart ache. Make me breakfast.  I'll buy you anything. Brunch? Cool. It's Tuesday...

It's a new year my dear.

That's what I would say if I was to say I was a writer. I'm drunk. That's also what I would say. Well I am am, a writer.
Where to start. Where goes my heart. Up and down and , who cares just shut up.  I've got 20% gold in my eyes, and it looks no different than those colors I see. On tv. It's Mr. Allen or Mia or someone who loves those colors that I feel so taken with.
Someone's always in bed with a bad oyster.
Is it me? Is it her?
Is it either of us.
There is good, there is bad.
I wonder how the the things will fall. For they sure are up in it. Currently.
It crosses my mind that I don't want to see them fall.  However , I do.
I must.
Right?

Like a rolling stone

Hey Bob,
I'll tell you how it feels, to be on my own.
I'm not a complete unknown.
They were not kidding me at all.
I still talk pretty loud.
I'm actually very proud to be scrounging my next meal.
I still don't compromise.
I don't need no alibi's.
No sir, no deal.
I'll tell you how it feels.
It feels great.
It feels terrible.
It feels full of hope.
It feels scary as shit.
It feels magnificent.
It feels like a tragedy.
It feels inspiring.
It makes me tired.
It's the best ever.
It's also the worst thing in the world.
I wouldn't change a thing.
It feels like I am living.
For today.
Like a rolling stone.

My love

The house is so empty now that you're gone. I'm so very sorry that things did go wrong. However you'll see, I would not change a thing. To me you are, and have always been a dream. I pray that you'll find whatever you're after, and never stop dreaming or losing your laughter.  I will always remember the good times we had, and won't live down trodden or say things like sad. You stole a piece of my heart, and that is forever, let's both move ahead and never say never. 

Love,

David

Life is funny.

Tonight at work, something funny went down.  One of my first customers caused me to take notice.  She said she was waiting on someone and would like a drink. I happily gave her my favorite beer on tap after a question or two about what she would like. She loved it.  In the past I would have been ready to chat her up for we must have a lot in common if we like the same beer.  I have  been down that road before an decided to just sit back for awhile.

A few minutes later her guest arrived and I greeted her and served her a bottle of wine I really like. The one who arrived had great energy and just had me smiling with our interaction.  I had even forgot about the nights promotion.  It was Winesday, and any bottle purchase can get a free charcuterie plate. I failed to offer it to my new guest.
Soon enough I am selling a trio of ladies a trio of half bottles when I realize I failed to inform my earlier special guest that a free charcuterie plate was available for her.  Given the information she acts a bit appalled.  Which I thought was cute.

I get her all set up and then I decide it's time to peel that onion. Ever so gently I try to get to know this girl with gumption just a little more. Good banter with her and her friend who was still drinking my favorite tap beer.  

I'm not exactly sure how we got on the topic of today's dating world tho I do recall us talking about all the social sites/apps we were on collectively.

We all shared some good laughs and I was a little surprised I hadn't stumbled on to them on said electronic stings things. This also caused me to consider that maybe those things are all fun and fantasy and not real anyhow.

After a bit of wine and good conversation the girl we will call, "just say yes" told me all about her current foray into the insanity we call dating.

I laughed and decided I really liked her adventurousness. She had decided to go out with anyone who asked her out.  On at least one date with anyone that asked her out on one of the online romantic outlets she was subscribed to. Then after said date(s) she was blogging about them.

I'll admit I was a bit flabbergasted. If you're reading this then you know I be been blogging about dates for years. It was her guerrilla warfare attitude about it that I found fascinating. I asked her if I could read her blog and she was kind enough to acquiesce.

I couldn't wait to read it.

Finally, hours later after a few failed attempts to take a look, I found the URL on the piece of paper she gave me before she left.

I went. I read. I smiled.  I laughed.  I posted this blog in her comments and wrote this post. If you made it here, first of all thanks for reading, secondly you did not tell me you would say yes to all invitations for a date.

I think you're fun, I enjoy your spirit, and I wanted to know if you would like to have a drink with me?

Just like old times

It was there. Perhaps it always was. I thought I was over this girl, however that's most definitely not the case. I can't get enough of her. It crosses my mind that this all may be because she's leaving, but I don't care I like it. She's beautiful. Lovely. Loving. Crazy. Smart. Sexy. Funny. Fun as shit.
I'm gonna chase this rabbit down the hole, for she's late, so very late, and I am too.

It's been a hot minute

Hi there. How are you? Where are you? I think you're at work somewhere. It doesn't and hasn't mattered. You're not here and I am not there. I do get to see you occasionally and you will always live inside a very happy place in my mind. However, I digress. It's not that I don't care or constantly think of you, it's just that I never see you, and it's my turn to come visit. In that vein, I should tell you a few things. Mostly it's those kisses you give me that cause me to flutter, just enough.

Alright, here we go...

 I'm married to a lesbian, that had a girlfriend, who was married to a man, but now that's all over. I told her I was also a lesbian, trapped in a man's body. She kissed me and then we got married. Kissed a bit more and then we had to give up on our girlfriend. She's a bit confused anyhow, that one we called our girlfriend. I mean, think of the children bitch.

 I'm sitting here now wondering why I'm telling you any of this? However for some reason, I believe this will find you smiling, I trust all is well gumdrop. I've got the most fantastic challenge.

I'm married to a lesbian, who has a girlfriend that's married to a man. However, we had to let her go. It just wasn't working. So, now we're so happy and pretty free. However, we're both lesbians. I am only struggling with one, two or a million things. I have a penis. I just want to snuggle. I feel like it will all work out, also today is Friday. 

sometimes

I'm just sitting at the bar, with a rather tasty beer, and wondering what is gonna drop. I went (home) and the door was locked. Still no key. So I left, found this place and came out to the lonely souls corner.

Last night was fun and hot, yet again I woke up alone. I'm sure that's for the best, but she felt pretty damn good in my hands. Apparently she don't stay the night. "What's the matter with breakfast" I mumbled as she drove away.

Fail.

Yeah, so what? I knew that was the deal. One shot, and I didn't take it. Fuck it.

I've been thinking lately that this whole business is silly. Why do I not have a girl? What's the problem?

I mean, I got 99, but a bitch ain't 1. I should just keep one around. At least, for the summer. You know I like them sitting next to me.

Cook me breakfast.
Please.
It dawned on me recently that I've always taken care of my ladies.

I would like you to take care of me. Just for a minute, cause you know I got those biscuits that just can't wait...

THE BLUES JUST SOUND SO GOOD.

It's over. It always is. The one I just said I loved has left and gone away. It's for the best though, I could tell she was pulling away anyhow. Perhaps that's why I confessed it. I tried to make her stay. Fail. Which is fine, for it shouldn't be that hard. When you feel it, and she does too, it's the easiest thing in the world.

I was getting a bit lost anyhow. I had forgotten what I want and need to make me sane. I need to get my life in order. I have been so close, yet so far away. I need a change. This pattern has repeated too many times. I don't like it. It doesn't make me happy at all. It causes great stress, and that is the one thing I told myself I would not live with. I have seen that ugly word destroy my fathers health. I will not let it do the same for me.

I know I've got that something special that not many possess. Now it's time for me to use it. Let it shine. Without her. Just for me. For everyone else in the world that I love and care for.

when I wake up, I'm amazing.

Occasionally, I get drunk. It's fun. Sorry for partying. When I awake from my sedated slumber, I have questions. Usually, I get answers.

Tonight, the answer that came to me was the most important one.

I love her.

Shit.

I do.

Even I, tried not to fall. However, it was inevitable.

I'm down.

Face down on the ground. Just laying here, wondering if you'll get my crazy. Hoping you will and dreaming of how it will go down. I dare not write about that.

You're welcome.

I think it's you.

However, you see I don't ever know where you are. I want to get on a plane and show up at your doorstep. I fear though that when I get there, you won't be there. Off saving the world, with him. Or maybe you're saving yourself from him. I hope so. You told me he's not dark enough to see your light. So I said be free.

Be free. Come see about me.

I've got cool shoes, cute socks, a ferocious mustache, and a lost look in my eyes.

Come and find me. It's me. I'm he. Just look inside and you will see. It's me. It always has been, and forever will be.

If this were the movies and you'd gone back to your family's farm, I'd come for you. However, this isn't, there is no farm, and I have no idea where to find you.

Please be free. Come see about me.

I'll make you happy. You'll laugh until you cry. I am dark enough to see your light, and I know at least I drive you mildly wild. We'll be free. Happy. Silly.

Be free. For me

It was a meet cute, a movie moment.

Wow. That's how I am feeling today. It almost seems unreal. Last night was the best time I have had in forever. Although I got a little lost on the way to pick her up, I was even more lost when I saw her again. It had been over two weeks, since I had seen this Raven haired beauty standing before me at work.

"Hey, there, looking for me?"

"Actually, I was."

It may e not seem all movie magic to you, but if you had been there and felt the weight of her stare and that sparkle in her eye, then you would know just what I am speaking of. It left me feeling like there's something there, something I needed to follow. So I did.

I had invited her to a party, but alas she was out of the country, literally. We made plans to go out when she returned. So when I walked up the stairs to her apartment, and she opened the door, she stood there all aglow. Fresh out outta the shower, and those tussled locks teasing me every which way but loose. I got the tour, met the roomies and we were off.

We decided on sushi, for she's at least half Asian, not Latina, as I had originally thought. This one is a stunner. Absolutely gorgeous dark features, and so much light her beautiful brown eyes. I think we started playing footsie, almost as soon as we sat down. We tried to blame it on the pole under the table, but hey this ain't my first rodeo. So, the feeling is there, and sparks fly when I look into her eyes.

The thing I did not know about this guy is that she is a smart cookie. Me gusta. We had fun, lighthearted dinner conversation and then it was time to move. I took her to the dark and secluded bar at the San Jose hotel. This is where thigs got a little deep and I started to fall, just a little for this one. I asked her about her thoughts on love, and she said, "You know, I remember how fun it is to fall into it, and I want to do that again." Pause here big boy, she did not say that she wanted to fall in love with you, but hey at least the door is open, and at best, I have a shot. Yippee. I started to get those little flutters in my tummy. That's when things just started to fall into place. Oh yeah, she speaks spanish! I love that. She's flexible, meaning she can and wants to make it work, I think. I just picked up things like when she said, " I don't mind going out on weekdays" and "I like to be woken up in the middle of the night."

My heart swooned. For we do have opposite schedules, but it sounds like she would like to try. I could not have been happier. As we left the bar, and walked back to my truck I tried to be a little spontaneous. We tried to sneak in the back of the continental cub, but alas, this jig was up, we got caught. So there, walking through the street draped in moonlight, I looked back at her and stopped walking. "What?" she said.

I grabbed her face pulled her in, and I kissed the softest lips I think I ever have. It was magic. It was out of a movie. It was a moment I will never forget. The rest for now is history. I took her to work in the morning, and suddenly we were just as comfortable as if we had done this a thousand times. I would like to do it ten thousand more. Girl you really got me…

Then there's her.

A blast from the past. An old friend. An ex-lover. Comes into town, and it was like never before. I remembered the things that initially attracted me to this siren from the sea. We had the most fun weekend I have had in quite some time. However, now she's gone, and I am sitting here all one. I do not like it! I woke up alone, today, yesterday, and tomorrow.



Last night I nearly lost my mind. I had some things go down with my work, but it turns out that's ok. Other things have come to play. I should be more excited about this. However, my words fall on deaf ears, for no one hears me speak them. I need my partner to bounce ideas off of, and tell me just when I am about to lose it.



Luckily, I have friends. I am very thankful for them, for they do play a part in helping me when I start to go crazy, or crazier than usual. The one, though she's gone, still has my thumbs, for we have been txting, sexting, talking about the miles between us, and what we've done.



Maybe I will go see her for my birthday. I mean shit, I really need a vacation. I haven't gone anywhere in years.



Perhaps she can save me. I mean someone is gonna have to. I know I need a lot from the one I keep writing about. The girls these days do not seem to want it though. They are too independent. They are too full of themselves. They can't think that there's someone better, that has a boat, a house on the lake, and enough money to let them pinterest all damn day.



Whatever happened to two fools in love? A duo, a pair, a team, working on their future together? Did that get lost somewhere around 1967? I don't think so. For I know a lot of my friends are working on that very thing at this very moment.