HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

As the day approaches my heart grows warmer, and yet still a bit melancholy. I can't help but smile when I here Judy Garland's haunting version of the the song. It struck a particular chord with me this year, and in a minute you'll know just why. Here are Judy's lyrics to this Christmas classic. Try and hold back your tears. Bid, this one's for you.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be
out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yule-tide gay
Next year all our troubles will be
miles away
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of your
Faithful friends who were near to us
Will be dear to us once more
Someday soon, we all will be together
If the Fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

MONDAZED
Well hello to all who are reading this, haha, that's nobody! Anywho, I just wanted to say that I am in a good mood today, and have figured some things out in my head. I realize the WATCHDOG group and the FDA still have yet to reconvene, but that's ok. Somebody once told me that absence make the heart grow fonder. I agree with that person whole-heartedly. It sure does for me, and I hope it does for her too.
I had a great weekend catching up with some old friends, and making some new ones, well just one actually. Good times were had by all, but sadly, they are never long enough. It's always good for me to speak with some oldies but goodies for they remind me of who I am, and what I want. I am ME, I want YOU. That's pretty well known though, so albeit, I want IT, if I don't get IT, I am going to be ok. A wittle sad, but hey, who isn't these days...

FDA & WATCHDOG GROUP REACH CONCLUSION (SORT OF)

In yesterdays post I mentioned that there were going to be some talks last night. The talks were going to address the Cosmic Connection's® shelf life and see what could be done to preserve/destroy it.
Both sides brought up valid and true points, but no final decision could be reached. Deciding not to be locked in to a total stalemate, both parties agreed that the "connection" would be removed from the shelves for a period of one week so that it could be thoroughly examined.
After the week long examination both parties agreed to reconvene with both of their findings to present to one another. The parties also expressed interest in coming to a final conclusion at the next meeting, loosely scheduled for late next week.

WELL...
It's come to this. It's time to make-up or break-up. I hope it's not the latter, but I kind of think it will be. I am going to talk it out tonight with my girl, so we'll see. Here's to being wrong. I have felt like this was coming, I just wish it didn't have to come like this. How's that you say? Well, I 'm not going to say. Let's just say there's been some pulling away on her part , and some withdrawing on my part. It has always seemed as if there was a shelf life to this whole thing, I hope it's not expired yet. I will undoubtedly be posting about what happens tonight. I know it will be for the best, no matter the outcome. It's just sad to see the magic fade away, because it makes me wonder if it was really there at all. I think it was, but I'm not the only one in the mix. I believe in magic, especially romantically. I guess we'll see if I am just a hopeless romantic, or if it there really is a little bit of magic in that old black hat. Oh the holidays...

AND IT'S CONTAGIOUS... REGINA SPEKTOR 10.30.07

The stage at the Wiltern was dressed as if you had just stumbled into the theater after a large rock concert. There were various disco balls that lay deflated from their former glory sparkling high above the stage. There were paper bits strewn about the stage and a few musical instruments. There was a mint green hollow body guitar, and baby, that piano was grand.
You may have been upset that you missed the show, but to your surprise you found a quirky girl tapping the ivory, and so, you decide to stay, and honey, you're glad you did because what the rock n roll show would have done to your soul could not hold a candle to what ms.Regina did to it instead. That girl, that woman, the lady Regina...

Gasp, sigh...

Amazing doesn't really describe what I experienced. I had never been in such close proximity to such an amazing artist before. The stage presence from this cute little girl would take anyone down. I had never seen anyone own it, like that. Here's this little girl, so cute, so talented, so smart, and all, so effortless. To walk out on stage armed only with your piano, your voice, and your smile, has got to be extremely nerve racking. If it was for Regina, I would have never known.

Own it, check. Bring the house down, check. Bring a tear to your eye, check. Make you laugh, check. Make you feel like you were witnessing a moment in time that will never be duplicated, check.

I cannot say enough good things about the girl. America this is your daughter. It's evolution. It's the confluence of jazz, rock, and all great things American, musically. It's time for Regina. I am overjoyed to be able to say that I saw her when she was young. Surely she will be the biggest star in the world. How can this perfection not be? Not only is she the greatest thing musically, ever, she's got a great social commentary to boot. I can't get over it. I'm still smiling, beaming and annoying the CRAP out of my coworkers,I think I have played the only album I currently have, at least three, possibly four times today, oh and it's on again.

If you haven't heard of her, listen. If you haven't seen her, look. If you don't like her, kill yourself, cause you suck and that's sad. It's not even a stretch to say, that was the best show of my life last night, and I am no stranger to the show. The sirens song had me in tears within ten minutes, and it wasn't because it was reminding me of some sad or depressing time. It was because I couldn't smile any bigger. I could not laugh any harder, and I could not have had my heart filled with any more joy than I experienced at the Wiltern just last night. It was magic. It was the stuff dreams are made of.

To end the show, she took three bows to the crowd and exclaimed, "I'm so happy"
The joy flowed from my eyes, and for a moment in time, everything was fine. All was well, and it seemed the joy I was feeling was not lost on me. You couldn't escape it in the room, it truly was contagious, Regina herself could not escape. Thank you ms.Spektor, thank you.

EMERGE
Last night I could not get that word out of my head. It was like the lights were turned on, finally. Perhaps the lights have been on, but I was so afraid to see what was there, I just couldn't allow myself to look. I had intentionally been numbing myself, so that I couldn't see at all. I can't believe it took me this long to wake up, but hey, I am now awake, a bit groggy, but awake. It's amazing the CRAP that you see once you finally allow yourself to take a look around the place you call your life.

I have been screwing up , left, right, forwards, backwards and any other way you can think of. I knew I was doing it, but I was kidding myself by thinking it would all just magically be ok. I have been pushing those I love away, and that hurts me the worst. The one I have pushed away the most, is in fact the one that I love the most. There is no way to express the regret that I feel for the childish ways I have acted towards this person. I cannot believe that they still, despite all my efforts, love me. It was this kind of unconditional love that really helped me to awake.

I finally feel that mentally, I am in a good place. That being said, I feel that I have tangled a lot of things up, and it will take some time and patience to get them untangled, but that's ok. It's kind of like the long winter is over, and the first rites of spring are here. I know I have said I have been here before,but I hadn't believed it until now.

I think that is the all important ingredient. Belief. I had not, until this point, actually believed that I could do this. I didn't think I had the strength inside me. It's funny to me that I needed someone else to see it in me, to believe it myself. It's not funny I guess, at all.

You know who you are. You know what I mean, and I am so happy to have the opportunity to give back to you what you have given to me. I may not ever be able to repay you fully, but I'll live the rest of my precious time with you to make sure that I am doing everything I can to make you really feel it, but not too much, I wouldn't want you to feel any pressure...

THREE'S AND NINE'S @ SOHO 10.02.07

Here's a slideshow of the show. The lighting was low, and I don't like the flash, so I experiemented with different camera situations and here are the results. Enjoy! if you haven't heard them already listen here:
http://www.myspace.com/threesandnines

PRESSURE & PROXIMITY
Two words that hold much meaning these days. I think they are closely related and worlds apart. A paradox, a conundrum, a snafu. Where does it start, where does it end? Is it too heavy, or treading too lightly? Is there too much speak, and not enough silence?

I love to ask questions when I know no one has the answers, and there is no way of figuring them out. Perhaps that's my own pressure. I know only I can answer these questions for myself, so that's the proximity effect. Hmmm, pressure and proximity. Sounds like a breakfast cereal, I think I had one bowl too many...

RADIOHEAD - IN RAINBOWS
In Rainbows, starts almost where "Hail to the Thief" left off, a bit odd but as always melodic. As per usual I knew this album would be a departure from their last album, so as I keep listening, it truly is, but was not the far off weird departure I thought it might be. Well, that would be Kid A, so my thought would not have been a departure, instead, Radiohead have mad a strangely beautiful, pretty album. Who knew they could turn their self loathing into something that reminds you of the joyful times?

It's ROCKTOBER, and it started yesterday, you're aleady late!
Here's your chance to get back into the swing of things. TONIGHT:

Holy CRAP! I'm back bitches. YOu all must have been washed away by the tears of those former subscribers who used to actually read this crap rag. Well since no one is reading this anyhow I can say whatever I like. What do I like? I dunno. I like me some DJ Sniffles, but she's in the bay today, speaking of the bay, your host ( that's me bum-soo ) is headed to Vegas this weekend to stay at the Mandalay Bay!
Holler.
Yes the rumors are all true, and Stevie Lizard is not anywhere in sight. I am headed to sincity to catch up with some good ol' southern frat daddies I ustacould know back in college. Yeah, I said ustacould, what of it? I' ain't too positivo how this weekend will go seeing as all these southern fux are married and I'm sure have lost at least one of their balls to their fag hag bitches they call wives. What's that? No, I am not being mean, I used to be married to one of those fag hags, so I am just calling myself out! See, told you, now go fuck yerself!
I ain't really trying to write anything prolific here today, I just wanted to get back into the blogging habit, so you might call it a stab in the dark, personally I prefer a poke in the dark, but SOMEBODY always wants to do it with the lights on! It's quite nice, actually, I'm only grandstanding because I can, I have a blog! You are all my minions, who must subscribe to this blog, or I will quietly cry in the corner. Geez, it's a good thing nobody's reading this CRAP today, cause CRAP it surely be. JIC you missed it , it's FRIDAY! Woot, woot! Well kiddies, I'll let you know how the debauchery plays out this weekend.

p.s. This bitch is getting a boob job!
In an effort to bring you the best CRAP on earth I will be adding many more photos to cosmiccornblog! Stay tuned... To kick this shit off, here's a few photos from my trip to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles.

ABBA - Mamma Mia

A GAMBLE IN LIFE (AN OPEN LETTER TO JENNY LEWIS)

I wanted to write a song about French films and trains, but I couldn't focus, focus on the pain.

So now I am just sittin' here thinkin' of you, I am on the Texas Eagle, it's route 22.

You know already that my middle name is always, so why must you dance around my hallways?

I am waiting for you, now in the car, it looks like however, we'll never get far.

Baby, I know your bad news, after all that's the reason I like you.

Don't you think I know it's a hit? Your starring in it, but I think you know, you're the shit.

shu-bop. shu-bop. my baby...

I must wonder, do you love me like I love you? I want to know you, but will I ever get to?

I'll hold your life in my hands, not just that pretty little face.
When I get to California, please, put me in my place.

Cause I love you, and I don't care if you love me. Go ahead, have the baby.

If it turns out to be all for love, you will be loved. Open up your eyes, keep it up, it will be enough. You know it, you will be loved.

I wanted to find myself by travelin' out west, but I don't think however that there is anyone who is better. This is the reason, I will not drop the rock on you, and so you know, it's here in this letter.

If you're telling me that you're lonely too, why do I sit here waiting, panting for you? If you have had enough o fthe breakdowns, why don't you just let your guard down? I'll never deconstruct, but I'll live my life to build you up.

Please don't murder what matters to me, cause you'll be killing yourself if you did.

I know I'm all alone, and seriously what the hell is sleep? I hope that one day you will sing this song, and we'll get the chance to meet.

Could you really be my American wife, or is this just one more gamble in life?

VINNIE & DOM
Well it has only taken a month or so, but I wanted to introduce you all to the newlyweds Mr and Mrs. Vince & Dominique Carson. The union of the souls took place on Tuesday March 21, 2006 at Restaurant Barclay in Aspen, CO. The event went off without a hitch thanks to the efforts of the tireless citizens of Stumble Town, who had way too long to plan the shebang anyhow. The kids are now ready to spread their wings and fly as they prepare for a move out to sunny California. While we shall miss them tremendously, we know it is only a matter of time before their lives are chronicled on "the Real Housewives of Orange County"
So say your "see-ya-lata's" now, cause these kiddies are out! Love you two to death.

THE ONLY TIME I TELL THE TRUTH WHEN I AM SOBER.
Here's a post from the fabulous Ms. Huck that was regrettably lost in the piles of paper on my desk. Lucky for you, I found it.

SURROUNDED

I hiked the Ute with Huck yesterday. We hike it a lot. We went up and down all summer; my new ACL held its own but each step of the descent reminded me that I was not yet fully healed.

The trail is different in the fall; dark and cool and mostly empty. It is beautiful in a mature way, somehow different than hikes in the spring, when the trailÂ’s fresh splendor and my freshly un-bandaged knee had the energy of an anxious puppy. Now it is like an old friend, one who you know so well, each root, curve, and vista, that you notice the subtle but ongoing changes. Hidden roots are exposed as dirt is washed away by the rain and views are altered by the newly bare Aspens. Rain and snow have left it wet and slippery, so I bought some trekking poles for support on the hike down.

An old friend came to town to have dinner. We met in Aspen almost seven years ago and he changed my life. Once my best friend and the love of my life, he is now just an old friend and someone who has known me completely and loved me anyway. Walking through town after dinner he asked me why I was so in love with Aspen. I looked around, surrounded by the familiar sights and smells that make Aspen my home, and with an enormous smile I replied, “Even when it's bad, it is so good.”

Heartbreak is humbling. I am fortunate in that I was humbled into the arms of my friends. It felt like I hit the hard ground, but I know that my fall was softened by the ready hands, shoulders and words of my friends. Not wanting to be home alone I crashed on everyone'’s couch, I lost my pants in J and Da'’s loft, I got a pep talk from Brades that meant more than he knew. I drank wine with the other two badass brunettes, I ate take out with Riss, and Bean and I sang along loudly and badly to Air Supply. My dad called to say "“hi"” and I cried. I saw the knight at Bentley's with the new girl and I cried. I ran a stop sign that I could not see for tears and while the officer wrote up the ticket, I cried. I cried to El and El at work, I cried buckets on Beanie's couch, and in Cook's hug I cried until I finally laughed.

The descent was excruciating, but I had a lot of support.

I walked to my car last week to find that my front right tire was completely flat. Sadly, I had no idea what to do. Freezing and helpless I ran (in high heels) to find Ry-ry, who went to the gas station with me, showed me how to put air in my tire, and told me how to get to the tire store. My couch weighs five hundred pounds. Literally. It now rests beautifully on the second floor of my new apartment. I knew that I was going to need a little help to get it up the very narrow stair case so I made a few calls. I didn'’t say much and did my best to stay out of the way as the boys uncrated, disassembled, and maneuvered the couch up to my living room. Following the effort we sat on my front porch, basking in one of fallÂ’s last warm afternoons; me, my ex-boyfriend, his college roommates and my friend's soon-to-be ex-husband. My friends. Who needs frogs when I am surrounded by princes?

The day I moved to Aspen I found a group of people who have since become my friends. They have been my problem solvers, dog walkers, drinking buddies, ski buddies, confidants, counselors, and my cheerleaders. They have made me laugh, made me cry, made me drink, eat and sleep. I have been laughed with, laughed at, hugged, kissed, carried, thrown and drug. I have been listened to, understood, confided in and trusted. They have been my sisters, my brothers, my family, and I have been loved. I am loved.

Everyday I walk out of my front door and look around. I am surrounded by the mountains that I have known and loved all of my life, surrounded by my old familiar friends. Last night I walked under their comforting gaze to meet some other familiar faces. Perched on my usual seat at 39, surrounded by my friends, I laughed until I cried.

Only a few more times up the Ute until winter sets in for good. It is already snowy and icy up top, but not to worry, I have my trekking poles. I will miss my old friend but I will be skiing down the other side of the mountain in no time, on a healed but scarred knee, surrounded by friends who have seen me through it all.

Even when itÂ’s bad, it is so good. ThatÂ’s the beauty of living in Aspen. That is the beauty of living.

THE GALS FROM DOWN UNDER.

Today marks the last day in town for all of my fabulous new Australian ladies that I met this winter. We had good times, good laughs, and plenty of availment! It was my pleasure to get to know all of you individually and collectively. Though you are all headed your separate ways, I know that the times we shared will not be soon forgotten. I would also like to thank you for introducing me to more new friends and for always being your sweet little selves. I know that you have all caught the Aspen bug, so I have no worries that I will see you again. If not, then I guess I'll just have to hop on down to your town. Thank you for the memories. Go get em' gals!

I'M JUST A LONESOME LA COWBOY, HANGIN OUT AND HANGIN ON.

Well let me first thank The Shins for the text of my last post. That song seemed to some it up well that day. Well as I said my divorce is now final and oddly enough it hasn't felt at all like I thought it would. I thought there would be some sort of "free at last" feeling, but the party felt more like a funeral. As I signed the final documents to officially end the bond of David and Carrie Cook, I couldn't shake the felling that I was burying the ashes of a great friendship that was too scarred to repair. It was a sad day. Afterall, while the end of result was negative, the marriage definitely had it's good times. This person had been my best friend for a long time, and it's still weird not having that friendship to pull you through the tough times. It is as the say. The end of an era, the good thing is that it's the start of a new one. What will happen I have no idea. I just know that I'm a bit older, wiser, and harder. My heart though bruised still has hope. And hope is a magnificent thing. So here's to new beginnings, and new experiences. Cheers kiddies.

GONE FOR GOOD.

I will be posting some more personal reactions to today very soon, but I have had this song in my head for quite some time and so I am going to present you with it now. Let me know if you wants to hear it.

Untie me, I've said no vows
The train is getting way too loud
I gotta leave here my girl
Get on with my lonely life

Just leave the ring on the rail
For the wheels to nullify

Until this turn in my head
I let you stay and you paid no rent
I spent twelve long months on the lam

That's enough sitting on the fence
For the fear of breaking dams

I find a fatal flaw
In the logic of love
And go out of my head

You love a sinking stone
That'll never elope
So get used to the lonesome
Girl, you must atone some
Don't leave me no phone number there

It took me all of a year
To put the poison pill to your ear
But now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground

You want to fight for this love
But honey you cannot wrestle a dove
So baby it's clear

You want to jump and dance
But you sat on your hands
And lost your only chance

Go back to your hometown
Get your feet on the ground
And stop floating around

I find a fatal flaw
In the logic of love
And go out of my head

You love a sinking stone
That'll never elope
So get used to used to the lonesome
Girl, you must atone some
Don't leave me no phone number there